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This is like house-arrest -Carers UK Forum

This is like house-arrest

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am caring for my partner in her early 70's.

What started out some two months ago as a terrible pain in her thigh has now been attributed to a water-infection.

Two courses of antibiotics later, she has now become psychologically dependent on me to the extent that she won't let me out of her sight.

For eight days now it has been like this. Today, I wanted to go to the cathedral and light a candle for my mother who died a year ago today, and I wasn't able to do this, because she started getting upset.

This is like house-arrest.

I am back at work on Tuesday, as I had to book time off work to care for her.

She keeps telling me she feels guilty and feels a burden, but all I want is a bit of me-time, especially on a day like today.

We have talked and talked, and I nevertheless feel she is using emotional blackmail on me.

This is a horrible situation to be in.
Hi Ajax and welcome. First of all do not beat yourself up for how you feel. You are not alone in feeling like this and there will be lots of people who relate to your dilemma. I care for my mum, who doesn't live with me so I do get some respite, but just the responsibility can be very daunting at times.

I do hope you get some useful advice from others on here.
Hello Ajax, Are you happy with the diagnosis? It seems a huge change in such a short time.
Have you had a carers assessment for both your partner and yourself? They may be able to help with carers coming in to your partner whilst you are at work. Hang on in there.
...the short answer is that I don't know what is wrong with her (not necessarily trusting health professionals as they always want the "last word" and tend not to admit they are ever wrong.)

In external carers terms, her family are going to be in attendance in the coming days, which is good news in the here-and-now.

The current view is that she has dehydrated -so I am persuading her to drink water as she can.

Comments really appreciated. Sorry, I'm having to rush this message, hence not well-formulated!
Hi Ajax, perhaps you should set a deadline, i.e. if she's not improved by Friday you are calling the doctor again? It's good that her family are going to provide support for the next few days, they will undoubtedly form an opinion too about what is the matter or how abnormal for her the current behaviour is. This could add weight to your own concerns if you have to consult the doctor again.
hi welcome to forum
Hello Ajax. One suggestion, which might or might not work for you and your partner - basic mobile phones are cheap and can be useful for remaining contactable.

I dislike being constantly on call like this, but at least it means that I can leave the flat without my caree feeling that if something goes wrong there's nobody he could contact apart from emergency services.