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Carers UK Forum • Thank you for this site!
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Thank you for this site!

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2021 5:58 pm
by Anthony _2109
Hello, I'm Anthony, aged 49. How have I ended here? Well, I've been the sole carer for my wife for a few years now.
She's been suffering from ME/CFS for a long time.
I think I should rephrase that. We've BOTH been suffering with ME/CFS for years.
Finally, it's really been getting to me.
I heard the phrase, 'carer burnout.' That rings a bell I thought, so I Googled it. And yes... I recognised 7/10 symptoms in me. I wasn't sure how I feel about that, but one level it did make me feel vindicated.
ME/CFS renders my wife more or less catatonic for much of the time.
Bedridden, I do virtually everything for her. I now dread her waking up. ALL my home life consists of is a perpetual string of, 'Fetch me, bring me, carry me. ' I do EVERYTHING for her.
And yes, I'm sick of it.
I crashed our car last week. I almost think that I did it deliberately. I've been driving in an angry, impatient state for ages. I'm now, having educated myself, putting it down to carer burnout.
The only thing keeping me from divorcing her is guilt, knowing she cannot take care of herself.
I'm sorry to go on. I've got nowhere else.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2021 6:00 pm
by Anthony _2109
I also feel like a fraudster if I just gave up. What kind of a husband would that make me?

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2021 7:37 pm
by bowlingbun
Welcome.
Why are you having to do this all alone? When did you last have a Carers Assessment?
When ws your wife last assessed for NHS Continuing Healthcare?

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Thu Sep 16, 2021 10:35 pm
by Karen Dee
Hello Anthony,
It sounds like it's all getting too much for you. This is no surprise - no one would be able to do all what you do alone. Have you thought about making an urgent appointment to see your GP and tell him/her what has happened?
You sound like a kind and loving husband but it's essential that you get time to look after yourself.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Sat Sep 18, 2021 8:21 pm
by Lucy_21021
Hi Anthony,

Welcome to the forum.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in and the toll it is taking on your mental health. Please know that you are not alone and we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Also Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to.

You can find information on how to register to our online meetups at the following pages:
Care for a Cuppa: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups
Share and Learn: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions

Carers UK may be able to provide more advice regarding:
Benefits and financial support
Carers' assessments and how to get support in your caring role
Services available to carers and the people you care for
How to complain effectively and challenge decisions

Our Telephone Helpline is available on 0808 808 7777 from Monday to Friday, 9am – 6pm or you can contact us by email advice@carersuk.org.

Best wishes


Lucy.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Thu Sep 23, 2021 9:33 pm
by Ethan1989
Karen Dee wrote:
Thu Sep 16, 2021 10:35 pm
Hello Anthony,
It sounds like it's all getting too much for you. This is no surprise - no one would be able to do all what you do alone. Have you thought about making an urgent appointment to see your GP and tell him/her what has happened?
You sound like a kind and loving husband but it's essential that you get time to look after yourself.
You had given a perfect advice to Anthony. I'm totally agree with your advice.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2021 1:56 pm
by Karen Dee
Thank you Ethan - your kind words are very much appreciated.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:40 pm
by Ethan1989
Karen Dee wrote:
Fri Sep 24, 2021 1:56 pm
Thank you Ethan - your kind words are very much appreciated.
Your welcome and there is not much better than a good advice.

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2021 9:31 am
by Anthony _2109
Karen Dee wrote:
Thu Sep 16, 2021 10:35 pm
Hello Anthony,
It sounds like it's all getting too much for you. This is no surprise - no one would be able to do all what you do alone. Have you thought about making an urgent appointment to see your GP and tell him/her what has happened?
You sound like a kind and loving husband but it's essential that you get time to look after yourself.
Dear Karen, firstly thanks ever so much for your kind reply. Getting to see our GP - well these days a lot easier said than done!

I will consider your advice. Your words have helped
kind regards and thanks again
Anthony

Re: Thank you for this site!

Posted: Tue Oct 05, 2021 9:34 am
by Anthony _2109
Lucy_21021 wrote:
Sat Sep 18, 2021 8:21 pm
Hi Anthony,

Welcome to the forum.

Best wishes
Lucy.
Dear Lucy, it is not not without a large sense of gratitude I will take this on board.

thank you for your kind word and advice. Hopefully I can help others too.
kind regards and thanks again
Anthony