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Hello - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Not really sure if I am a carer yet but feel it is going to happen. My husband is 74 and is in hospital after a subdural haematoma. I had a chat with the OP yesterday and they hope to release him within a few days. She did ask me if I could supervise his cooking and when I told her even as long ago as October, he was sleeping through the oven timers and a couple of times, left the gas ring on, she suggested I get the oven disconnected. My husband is a very strong character and I feel in denial about how his mental facilities have been affected! He still sounds very confused to me. I also wondered if maybe had the early signs of dementia before the haematoma operation. He is convinced he will be ok and desperate to come home to the point of threatening to discharge himself! He is also saying he may not wait for the medications since he is only on vitamins - not sure I believe this after a brain op BUT he does have mental capacity according the OT so in theory, he could do this.
I don't know where to turn. I have a meeting with the OT this afternoon. I have been trying to be with him all the time before the haematoma because I could see him going downhill but didn't know what was wrong.l He was not taking his tablets properly . I am so worried.
Do I ask for an assessment from social services. Does anyone think I could get carers benefit? How do I cope if he is in denial?
Thanks for reading. I am 51 and have been happily married for 23 years.
Husband also has gout, oedema, and went to hospital in feb for AT although now his heart is apparently fine. He may have had a reaction to the heart pills but now they are saying he also has Lupus.
I don't work and husband doesn't like me going out but I do feel for my own sanity I need to set some boundries. If it is dementia as well, it will only get worse so I guess I need to get help in place now?
Hi Lysandra,
Welcome to the forum. The hospital should wait until Social Services have done their needs assessment and you've had a carer's assessment, and a new care package is arranged, before they discharge him. At the top of the page there is a tab labelled "Help and Advice". Click here and you will find loads of information, including Attendance Allowance (if your husband needs constant attention) and Carers Allowance for you. Also be aware that if, sadly, your husband does qualify for AA because of his mental condition, he will probably be entitled to complete exemption from Council Tax. It sounds as though they aren't taking your worries about dementia properly, push as much as possible to have some action on this front before he comes home, it will be so much easier for you. Did anyone explain to you how YOU were supposed to cook without an oven and cooker!?!? It's vital for you to have some regular "Me" time. Discuss this when you have your Carers Assessment.
Hi lysandra,
my hubby has a brain injury from a road traffic accident and I have discovered that any damage to the brain causes all sorts of problems - and some of them very subtle. It will take him a while to get used to the way is now. Can you talk to his consultant about your worries re dementia? Dementia is confirmed by a CT scan and your husband would certainly have had scans due to his haematoma and I would have thought that if he had changes due to dementia it would have been noted. If there is nothing, then the changes that you noticed may have been the first signs of the haematoma.
BTW, if he is having problems with his tablets you can get the pharmacist to make up "blister packs" where all the tablets that he needs to take at the same time are in one blister. That way it is easy to work out what you need to take and easy for some one else to check that he has taken them.
Can all forms of dementia be picked up by a scan? I was told that his brain had shrunk and this was quite advanced, even taking into account his age, when he fainted in hospital waiting blood tests, and had a scan then back in April. But some shrinkage is normal isn't it as we age?
I am prepared to supervise his cooking but he was a little mixed up on night/day and I worry that he might start frying food in the night, and I do have to sleep! I have to say we eat seperatly - if it doesn't microwave I don't buy it but he does enjoy cooking chips and things like that. I will be walking on eggshells though trying not to upset him and this seems to be quite common.
I don't think frankly we can get him to stay in hospital long enough for social services to do an assessment before he comes home! If he has mental capacity, he can discharge himself so all I can do is try to organise help and beg for follow up appointments today!
I will have a good look around the site and see what I can learn. Thank you both for replying.
If he does not wait for his medications and comes straight home can we get the gp to prescribe them? I just hope he waits long enough for the paperwork.
I was told that his brain had shrunk and this was quite advanced, even taking into account his age
Ask the doctors what this means and if it shows that he has dementia. You need to find out as much as possible before he comes home - try and persuade him not to discharge himself, otherwise nothing gets sorted out for when he comes home
he was a little mixed up on night/day and I worry that he might start frying food in the night
One of the members on here - SussexRokx - has come up with a brilliant clock that helps people who get confused with time to understand what they should be doing. I tried to find a link to his blog, but couldnt. I would recommend that you send him a message about it.
I'm really concerned about the cooking of chips. Buy oven chips in future and accidentally "lose" the chip fryer before he comes home. Make sure you have smoke alarms everywhere.
I will see what I can do but he is also a heavy drinker half to three quarters a bottle of vodka a night. He hasn't been able to drink in hospital - I think they have given medication to help and he has said he will cut down. He has apparently seen someone from the alcohol advice centre in the hospital. He can be very verbaly abusive when drunk so I am going to be very careful not to upset him or he will say that I have made him drink again. Pathetic I know but I cannot leave because of my cats - I breed them and they are my life, also I do feel if he is serious about cutting down I should try to support him.
He has been doing mega strange and dangerous things for example taking the electric fire into the bathroom and splashing in the bath - I keep taking it out and he keeps taking it back.
any idea of how long an assessment would take? No way will he stay in hospital.
It sounds like you are going to have to go round the house and get rid of anything that could be dangerous eg the electric fire (try an oil filled electric radiator) and the chip pan. If you only microwave food I can see why its been suggested that you disconnect the cooker - it sounds like a good idea. If you got rid of his booze and didnt buy any for him would he still be able to get it for himself (Im assuming he wont be able to drive for a while)?
Well actually he cooks for himself - I am a vegetarian so we eat separately. No way can I get rid of the booze - he would be furious and get more. We no longer have a car but as long as he can use a computer he can do Tesco. Not sure if he can use a computer for a while but if he could get to the local shop he would be able to buy more and would be very angry with me if I poured it down the sink. He has seen an alcohol liaison nurse and has said he will cut down but not stop! He has been told that there is a risk of the haematoma happening again if he keeps on drinking at the same level, given his age but he told me it wouldn't re occur. Best I can do is to try and encourage him to keep his drinking down. I am also worried it might react with any medication he gets.
But I can do nothing - he can discharge himself and will if he doesn't come home soon.
Hi and welcome to the forum Image