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Support - Carers UK Forum

Support

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Hi. I’ve been caring for 26 yrs now and have always worked in residential care, I’ve cared for my grandparents and am helping dad with mum (she’s 59, bed bound with MS and is palliative care). I’ve seen a lot in 26 years and have dealt with everything that could possibly have been thrown at me. I now work on the crisis support team, so basically I go into people’s homes and spend 12 hours with them be it to help them with personal care, meal prep, medication prompts, giving family a rest and end of life care.
When I was 21 I had my son and was shortly after diagnosed with depression, this was due to being in a bad marriage, my ex husband was a violent drunk! I left him Christmas 2003 and never looked back.
I met my now husband in 2005 and we had our daughter in 2009 and married in 2012!
My grandma passed away while we were on holiday in 2011, she wasn’t just my grandma, she was my best friend and I told her everything, my grandpa died 14 months later, and in between that my in laws passed away within 14 weeks of each other.
In 2014 or roundabout there my mum was diagnosed with MS and she just gave up. In 2019 twice within 6 weeks that Christmas mum was put on end of life, first with sepsis then pneumonia. She rallied and pulled through!
I’ve seen people who have just passed and I have sat with people while they’ve taken their last breath! I have very broad shoulders and I can cope with anything.
6 weeks ago I went to sit with a lady for 3 nights and this lady broke me! I was sat with her on my last night and her son was there too and she asked us both to give her enough oramorph so as she wouldn’t wake up! I cried all the way home when I left in the morning and when I got home I broke down and told my husband what had happened. Even though he does a similar job he didn’t get it! No one did!
I took a few days off work because that particular weekend my mum decided to play with us again!
I spoke to my GP and he signed me off sick for 2 weeks. He suggested CBT but I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work. I feel that unless you’ve done the job of caring, doctor or nursing, no one gets how you feel.
Then to top it all off I’m now shielding due to having a variety of health conditions!
I’m at an all time low, I feel like a caged animal, and I don’t know what to do! My kids and hubby don’t get how I feel because I can’t go out! And can I just say my husband cannot food shop for toffee!!! Please don’t get me wrong I do love him but seriously...
This is the first time I’ve ever actually opened up to anyone about how I feel! I’m mum, wife, daughter and sister and I’m the one who has to be strong for everyone else!
I support families when they are at their worse (please don’t think I’m being selfish) but whose supporting me as a carer! Just because it’s our job doesn’t mean we don’t need support! For the first time in years I can say I love my job, but 6 weeks ago I hated my job and i wouldn’t have wished it on my worst enemy!
I’m sorry for the extra long rant I guess I needed to get a lot out to others who actually understand
Hi Barbara and welcome to the forum.

That sounds like a lot to cope with, I'm sure many people on here will relate to how you feel and be along to offer support. Lockdown and isolation have been so hard for carers for all sorts of reasons.

As you know, it's really important to look after your own wellbeing and take some time for yourself where you can.

Talking to other people who understand what you're going through can really help, so this forum is a good place to start! We also run weekly online meet-ups for carers which you'd be very welcome to join, it's a chance to take some time and chat informally to other carers. You can sign up here:

Best wishes

Jane
Sounds like a severe case of carer overload, you've given so much for so long you are running on empty. Would that be a fair comment?
When did you last have a proper 2 week holiday to recharge your batteries?
Hi I am a carer fo my husband for 25 yes. Two years after we were married. I have been in the past a carers representative and a carers trustee. Locally our carers center closed and services moved to different contracts.
My concern that I strongly wish to raise is Who Is Carer.
People stood and clapped for carers whether a nurse or care worker so now our identity has vanished.
We are family carers unpaid and unrecognized by our Government.
It is nearing carers week but how can we rise the identity of family carers and Not the carers for.
Carers need a voice and identity not told to join cared for charity.
Identity campaign please we deserve the right to be heard. Maggie :?: