Struggling newbie

[bowlingbun]

Sounds like you are now slowly moving forward. Can I ask specifically about the downstairs toilet issue. Does Gran not have a toilet in her annexe? If not, there is a quick and easy solution, a caravan style "Porta Potti". These are brilliant, my family were caravanners and used one regularly. For one lady, it would only need to be emptied about once a week. All the "product" is stored in a separate container which has a small quantity of special fluid added.

[jenny lucas]

Just briefly for now (for a change - sorry, I know I run on!)....that all sounds actually much more positive! I'm glad you have some 'space away' from her. On the other hand, it's great your family want to give it 'one last go'.

Sorry you find the commode grim! Personally, I think they can be a godsend. My SIL needed one while she was waiting for her hip replacement, as their bathroom is up some steps and through two rooms .....'urgency' because a real issue when she was hobbling around pre-op.

Definitely get some carers in on a regular basis.

Re money - in principle fine that you need more. How will your mum react? (Or will you threaten to deposit Gran on her doorstep if she doesn't cooperate?)

I think respite care should be a priority however - what about over the Feb half term, so you can have a break while the kids are at home, have some (cheap) treats with them.

Cheers for now - you definitely sound less 'on your knees'! Great!

[Gilli]

Hi Helen,

Welcome to the group! You've had some good advice here and are definitely taking it on board. I'd love to know how you ended up being responsible for your gran's care, but I'm glad your husband and kids are behind you in this - not complaining that you don't have time for them, etc.

Just one more thing - putting your gran in a residential home does not mean you will stop loving her. It just means that someone else - or a team of people - will be looking after her, who are not emotionally involved.

Gilli

[Helen_17011]

A porta potti...what a fantastic idea, why on earth didn't I think of that before!!!
I received a message from parents last night and they were fine about the money (she has quite a lot, and it's still half the amount of a care home) on the understanding that I do use it to buy in more help. They also suggested that when they go on holiday, gran goes into respite care (in effect goes on her holiday) It feels like a huge weight has been lifted just by broaching the subject and admitting that I was not coping.
Well todays task is to go down to the camping shop and by myself a loo! Thank you once again for all the wise words of wisdom. Helen x

[bowlingbun]

My mum's occupational therapist arranged for her to have a "toilet frame" round her Porta Potti, so it was easier for mum to get on and off. These are relatively cheap available from most disabled shops, so perhaps put one of these on todays shopping list too? I'd suggest one that didnt' have a raised toilet seat and tube downwards, as I don't think you'd be able to shut the Porta Potti lid. If you don' have a disabled shop nearby, this sort of thing is available online. Just compare prices before you buy, as they can vary wildly.