Helen, how will you make it a better day?
This isn't sarcasm (!!!!), it's a genuine question - and it is also designed to challenge you.
'Hoping' isn't really a forward strategy, because it depends entirely on 'other people'...probably your gran. As in 'I hope Gran is better behaved today', etc.
Even if you're reluctant to consider care homes at this stage - and I do understand why - it took me five months to accept that my MIL could not be anywhere else - I 'wasted' (in hindsight) a lot of time trying to make other solutions work - she came to me for five weeks at a time, and 'just about' managed to 'survive' for two weeks on her own (in her flat 400 miles away from me!), by dint of me having groceries delivered, and incredibly 'simple food', eg, quiches and sliced ham and toast, etc, but whenever I went to fetch her she was just about in a state of collapse, and she absolutely could not bear when I took her back so I could get my desperatelbe y needed fortnight break from her....then I tried booking a care-worker to come in for her, faffed about with agencies and so on, only to be told by the agency that she'd refused to let the woman in the second time...so that was a no-no....then I spent months trying to rent a flat for her near me, before realising that all that would happen would be that I would have to spend all day in the flat, looking after her and keeping her company, etc etc etc, until finally, five months later, I 'admitted' she had to be in a residential home where 'someone else' looked after her.....
So, as I say, I do understand that me saying ' Put Gran in a home ASAP!' can meet with an outraged (or despairing) 'I can't do that to her!'.
But think about it. And please, whatever you do, TALK to your husband and children about what THEY would like. It's their lives too, not just your gran's and you! And their house too...
And, am I right in thinking that what is really stressing you out is that your gran is now not 'safe' in her little annexe where you can shut the door on her after being with her, and then come back into your own home, your own territory, where it's just you and your husband and children....but now that gran is 'with you' she is 'en famille' ....ie, she's there 'all the time', having meals with you, in your territory, there is no, absolutely no 'getting away from her'??
And she's started to 'rule the roost' with her demands - her impatience you said, I think, when her 'cup of tea is late arriving' (!), and has the effrontery (for it is effrontery) to dare to 'object' to when you have visitors IN YOUR OWN HOME?????
I suspect that it is the difference between having her in her own annexe, and actually living with you in your territory, that is the key cause of your current stress??? Added to the 'extra care' that she now needs????
Is that what is pushing you to breaking point now???