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Carers UK Forum • Struggling!
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Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 8:30 am
by Esme_2208
Hi all, new to this, but thought I'd give it a go as I'm struggling at the moment. I care for my husband who has bipolar- he's currently going through an episode- this time it feels very personal and I'm struggling the get my head around it. He's at the stage where he doesn't want to accept help from anyone. I stayed away (as he asked) for a week, but came back a few days ago, I couldn't go on living away and I know he needs support. He's still barely communicating. His work called me yesteday and explained he's ran out of sick days, so I tried to talk to him about that, didn't get anywhere. He did give me the name of his social worker, I said I'd call her today- he mentioned she tried to call him on Monday, but he didn't want to talk to her. Also, asked him if he wanted to end our marriage, I didn't get a reply, but I also didn't get a no.. I know he isn't thinking rationally but it hurts. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 2:07 pm
by thara_22071
Hi

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 3:11 pm
by Breezey
Esme I am so sorry for your circumstances.
I don't have any such experience and knowledge to offer any support, please keep checking back for any replies from others. A fellow student at uni had a bi polar episode, he wasn't reachable, couldn't converse with him, so I have an appreciation but nothing to help you.

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 3:35 pm
by Ingrid Carers UK
Hello Esme

I just wanted to welcome you to the forum, I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time. I know other carers will be in touch with you via the forum but I wondered if you know about our weekly online meetings? It's a great place to meet other carers, many are struggling for all sorts of reasons. We set the online sessions up at the beginning of lockdown and many carers have said how helpful they've found them.

If you haven't been to one Esme please have a look at the joining page and see if you would like to come along. There's no pressure to share anything you not comfortable with, we've had quite a few new carers join us recently too. Here's to link: https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups

We also run weekly share and learn sessions, more information on these can be found on our website, https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions

Have a look Esme and see if you would like to come along.

with kind regards
Ingrid

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 5:04 pm
by bowlingbun
Hi Esme,
Have you had a Carers Assessment? If not, ask Social Services for one.
I know that in my area there was a support group for carers supporting people with mental health issues, but that was before Covid.
There might even be an online group now. You cannot deal with this all by yourself, it's OK to ask for help, it shows long term cimmitment.

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 03, 2022 8:13 pm
by Melly1
Hi Esme,
It sounds like you are both having a tough time at the moment.

Try and remind yourself that it's his bipolar that is making him this way and its not a reflection of his true feelings for you.

Note that he couldn't face speaking to his social worker either.

If he needs space from others, then he always has the option to go elsewhere for a few days (e.g. travel lodge etc) - it doesn't just need to be you staying away.

I wouldn't discuss big life changes at this time (separation, divorce etc) as he isn't thinking rationally and you are too stressed to be.

It might be that afterwards you do both decide to separate - but wait until this episode is over and you can both consider your options.

It might be worth forming a plan with him once he is out the other side of this episode of how you will both deal with it if it happens again.

Melly1

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2022 2:52 pm
by Esme_2208
Thank you for this- you're so right.

He seemed to level out for a bit, but has sadly crashed again. So hard. Just try to take things a day at a time still.

Re: Struggling!

Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2022 1:43 am
by thara_22071
Esme_2208 wrote:
Tue Aug 16, 2022 2:52 pm
Thank you for this- you're so right.

He seemed to level out for a bit, but has sadly crashed again. So hard. Just try to take things a day at a time still.
It is time for a needs assessment.