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Struggling - Carers UK Forum

Struggling

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Don’t know where to start to be honest but I’m mentally drained and exhausted.
My husband has suffered depression for last 3 years, admitted to a mental health unit 2 and bit years back for few days. He did get some counselling but has a lot of health problems which knocks him back with his depression. He is the type of person who buried his head in the sand and won’t show his feelings much but I naively thought everything was ok although we have both struggled with his change in personality, anger and mood swings over last couple of years. My husband admitted was feeling bit low but then out of the blue took an overdose a month ago. He does regret it and feels guilty as seen how it’s affected my kids (all be it they are grown up). My daughter is now suffering from anxiety as worried about her dad. I’m suffering from anxiety and now depression myself but trying to be strong for everyone. We have had battle to get mental health support for husband so I haven’t even tried for myself. I feel guilty for going from upset to feeling angry now as our relationship is totally affected. I try to cuddle him but he just brushes it off as he said he doesn’t deserve it, a minor argument means he won’t speak to me for a day and he blows a fuse at any little thing. Only a few of my close friends know but at end of day they haven’t gone through it so they don’t understand or comprehend how hard it is. And although I have strong network of friends and family strangely I feel alone in this. I’m not sleeping and I’ve now hit rock bottom. I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to support my husband but in meantime I just feel like I’m drowning
What physical problems does he have? What is he doing to help deal with these?

I was very disabled in a car accident - thanks to 2 knee replacements I can walk again - but long term physical problems can be a real struggle, especially if you've been fit earlier in life. I had some really dark days, especially as I was trying to support a very disabled mum and a son with learning difficulties.

If you want a hug or cuddle, then whether or not he feels he deserves is utterly irrelevant!!! Have you tried saying that you NEED a cuddle from him? He's punishing you most, not himself, by this. I'm widowed now, but I would have been devastated if I couldn't even have a cuddle. Does he understand what it's doing to you?
My advice would be to let him know how important he is to you and your family. Plus let him make decisions about things.
Does your husband have his own friends and family? If so encourage him to phone them. It's really important that he has people to talk to as well as yourself.
please stay in touch.
He hasn’t got much family on his side and his Dad brushes everything under table. His friends are good but ‘men’ are ‘men’ they don’t discuss it much.
I feel like we are co-existing and not husband and wife anymore
Hi Lottie, You have my sympathy. I think it's really important that he talks to other people too. Even if him and his friends don't discuss his problems- it will still make him feel better just discussing the footie, news, cricket or whatever interests him. Do the two of you go out as a couple anymore?
I haven't any answers, but feel its my life you are talking about, my husbands diabetic nurse is referring him to talk works a NHS therapy centre to see if they can help him deal with the way he feels. But no one seems to be able to help me deal withwhat its doing to me.. arguments , shouting fruststration and his total dependency on me. I hope you find some help for yourself.