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Struggling - Carers UK Forum

Struggling

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Hi
Having an awful time battling the hospital who wanted to send my partner home to me. He can barely walk, manage toileting, dressing or walking. We live in a flat up 40 stairs. He is so ill bless him. Feeling swamped and overwhelmed with the bureaucracy, the bullying tactics of social services at the hospital and the poor quality care he is receiving at the hospital. I work full time too.
He has a chronic illness too, so I am basically grieving for him. He has been trying to protect me from the worst of it as he doesn't like to see me upset and crying all the time. I was just contacting my social worker who was looking into my carer's assessment when things went from bad to worse and ended up with me having to get ambulance to take him in. Have contacted an advocate too. Since he has been in hospital the weight off my shoulders is
palpable. I am his only carer really - his family don't help and we are on our own. I am battling anxiety and depression myself now too, but haven't had time to get to my GP for more help. The hospital seem to be surprised when I said no he isn't fit enough come home.
Hi Eira,
There needs to be an NHS Continuing Healthcare Assessment (CHC) done before your partner is even considered for discharge. If I remember correctly this is a requirement and it is down to the hospital to arrange it. You should also get social services to do a needs assessment because 40 steps sounds like a real no-no.
Could you get to see your own doctor while your partner is still in hospital? You need to look after yourself too. If this isn't possible look into getting respite care in your home while you go to the doctors once your partner is home, and for 'me' time as well. No one can care alone, it's too big a job.
I wish you luck and hope you'll visit here again; it really does help.
Tracy
Thanks. Yes I mentioned that assessment to them on Friday. He is having awful care at the hospital. The nurse said to him he had to stop shaking...no one helps him eat...my friend is helping me draft my letter to social services. I work full time too so finding time to deal with these crises is hard. He shakes because he has developed some cerebral issues which I haven't dared investigate yet. I know I must get to my doctor this week but visiting is 3-8 of I go after work. 8-)
Sorry just pressed wrong button on new phone not meant to have a face at the end of my message.
I don't know your circumstances but wonder if some time off work is needed to get things in order? My place of work allowed time off for organising emergency care situations - it was classed as 'special leave'.
Jx
I went to the GP today as yesterday in work I ended up in tears twice. The OT rang me about my partner's needs and it just upset me so much.
So my deed for today was to go see my GP. I was in tears again, so am back on the mild antidepressants to help stabilise my mood. My work has some carer leave etc, and they are quite good, but if I am not feeling too distressed I prefer to go to work as it does take my mind of things.
I just feel too overwhelmed to deal with a lot of things - and feel the hospital is trying to discharge him way too early. I just let my social worker who was dealing with my carer's assessment know my feelings. I just can't cope at the moment and feel awful and guilty. I have decided not to go into work today as it has been a bit draining the last couple of days. I know there is no easy answer to any of this, and my feelings of being out of my depth doesn't help.
I'm pleased to know you got to the GPs today. Perhaps he/she could sign you off work for a little while too?
She offered, but if I am feeling bit more together I will go in tomorrow. I might need to take that offer up sometime but am hanging on in there until it is really necessary....
hello Eira, What a terrible situation you are in at the moment. We were bullied by the hospital when my father was discharged 3 weeks before he died, and I know how terrible it is to battle. Where in London are you? Are you in touch with your local Carers' Centre?