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wife - Carers UK Forum


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Hello, my first time on- line with you- my name is David and I am really struggling with my wife that I love dearly she fell ill just over two years ago with Vertigo and has now developed into something more mysterious she is now very anxious will not go out anywhere is frightened off being on her own gets very dizzy when she stands sits down or walks she is now totally reliant on me for all her needs but I am getting so frustrated with it all I have no life whatsoever I am totally dependant on my two Daughters to give me some freedom which is limited to one day a week for approx for six hours I feel so Desperate that I am not sure what to do ? She is currently recovering from a fall on the stairs she broke her wrist and was in hospital for a week then discharged for a week had to go back for operation on her wrist and has just got the all-clear from the fracture clinic but this has made things even worse than it was before just let you know we have been married for 48 years and our first great grand- daughter is just one-year-old and she is gorgeous any advice please.
Hi David and welcome to the forum.
I haven't any experience with vertigo but I was under the impression that it was usually something that passed in time. Obviously not that simple. I would go back to the GP and start asking for specialist appointments. Ear, nose and throat perhaps. Until you know exactly what you are dealing with you cannot source the treatment needed. In the meantime does your wife receive Attendance Allowance? If not, it's worth applying for. You could also involve Social Services and ask for a Needs Assessment for her and a Carer's Assessment for yourself. A sitting service would provide someone to stay with your wife while you had some time to yourself on other days.
Plus has the Occupational Therapist been involved? There may well be equipment they can provide which will help your wife regain some confidence re moving around both inside and out.
If you click on the Help and Advice button at the top of this page and then on the grey rectangles, there's a lot of explanations and information which you will find helpful. When you have more questions do post again and ask and I'm sure you will be receiving posts from other people on the forum.
Hi David
Welcome to the forum. You sound a kind, loving, family man.
It seems to me that perhaps the medics have been concentrating on your wife's physical problems but now need to be aware of how much her anxiety and phobias are now affecting both her and you. I'd suggesting booking 2 consecutive appointments with your GP , one in her name one in yours and going together. see what he/she suggests, Then you contact social services to arrange Needs Assessment fir your wife and a Carers Assessment for yourself
Also, have you talked truthfully with your daughters about the difficulties? I only ask as often chaps try to protect their children or find it difficult to ask for help.

Thank you for your kind advice and yes I will definitely try doctor approach and we are currently looking into the social service side of things but beeing a proud sort of person it's hard to accept help from strangers but I have to start somewhere so thank you for your help.
Sorry Elaine forgot to say thank you for your advice and yes we are now in the prosses of sorting out the Attendance allowance thing but don't know if it my sort of thing but will give it a fair try if its going to give me some me time it will be worth it so Thank you again.
David. Welcome. I truly believe you will be proud that you sought help from social services when life is comparatively easier for all of you. I hope you have the help that you need
Hey David
Attendance Allowance is an 'anybody over 65 who needs a bit of help' sort of thing. It's not means tested and not checked up on. You can spend it on what you like. It's something which you have paid your taxes for and are entitled to. Don't dither. Go for it. It's not a fortune after all. Just a bit of cash to spend on something needed.
David, I echo Elaine and BB. If the taxman told you you were getting a tax rebate, you would not be 'too proud' to accept it, would you?! And you're not 'too proud' to use the NHS, are you? Nor are you 'too proud' to take your OAP pension! Well, same for anything like Attendance Allowance. My mother in law is now moving to a care home, and although she is paying most of the fees herself, she is eligible to get the nursing care aspect of her care paid for by the NHS (a hundred pounds a week!), and believe me, I am not 'too proud' to accept that for her!

We pay taxes and national insurance all our working lives, and I'm pretty damn sure the tax man makes more out of us than we ever get back!

And think of it this way, it's not 'for you' - it's for your wife, and her care, and you would not deny her that extra help, would you?

All the best in a tricky situation, which I hope soon improves - kind regards, Jenny
Hi David ...

Just wondering how thorough were the investigations into the cause(s) of your wife's vertigo? My mother fell, getting a nasty bump on the head which resulted in severe nausea and dizziness for several months. The hospital doctors came up with all sorts of diagnoses over that time!

Now, three years later, it has improved. Mum went into a care home as at the beginning she would not have been safe at home by herself. She now only has slight dizziness if turning too quickly or bending over (although increasing frailty and mobility problems have meant that she will not now be returning home).

Thanks to every one for your help and advice will keep in touch to let you know how things turn out I am now seeking Attendance allowance to start the ball rolling as they say .Here's hoping !!!!!! Thankyou.