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Still caring for husband with bi polar disorder. - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Still caring for husband with bi polar disorder.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Teresa,

Hello and welcome.

I have an inkling of what you are going, as my wife suffers from severe depression as well as a few few other iusses. A couple of years ago my wife got us in to debt without my knowledge and only found out by accident. We had to sell up to cover the debts and due to her being diagnosed with RA and OA, which meant that she lived downstairs.

My wife has tried to commit suicide a number of times over the 12 years we have been married. But, that is more of a cry for help as she finds that she can't cope at times. Since becoming a full time carer just over 2 years ago, I can now read the signs better than I was able to do before, whilst working full time. The week before she tried to commit suicide (Feb 2011) I asked for help from the mental health team a number of times, including asking for her to be asessed and got no real support from them. She ended up being addmitted in to hospital.

So yeah, have an inkling. Talking does help!!!!!

John C
Hello all who posted a reply,

It's been quite some time now since I posted my situation. A lot has happened from 2011 to date, so very much. But to keep it brief thank you all so very much for taking the time to read my post, it helps me to deal with things.

All good wishes are sent to each an everyone, we're all in it together.

Hi Treez, Ive joined since your previous posts, but I read them all with great concern. You dont have to go into details, but you say a lot has happened. Is this in a good way?
Hi Treez,

You've certainly had some hard times. I hope they are getting better for you now. My husband's father had bipolar depression - he took his own life before we were married - and my mother-in-law looked after him throughout with amazing patience.

Hi Crocus and Gilli,

Too much has happened over the last 2 years, but I am getting there bit by bit. Power of attorney, courts, police involvement, no sectioning!! House fires as he tried to set fire to himself once, and moved a burning oil fire by hand across the living room!! overdoses, psychotic episodes, and I was the daughter of satan at that point, £20,000 worth of debt in a few months, fought with banks without solicitors and WON!! Formal investigatins with the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman still in full swing. Still living in rented home, whilst my husband is in the remains of our home, but he now has had a further two assements from psychiatrists just to confirm again bipolar with a few complications!!. He is on Lithium rather than his other meds which didn't suit. Last self harm episode ended in irreperable brain damage in March 2012 and all because he wasn't sectioned when I asked, as apparently he had capacity!! And the get out clause is because he self medicated??!!They should listen to the carer's I have known this man for thirty years, and this problem only got out of hand when we thought he had a breakdown in 2004. And he has been self employed up until this last manic episode in 2011, he won't be able to drive or climb a ladder ever again, I also secured DLA in October last year at the highest rate, without appeal, they couldn't believe it at the carer's support meeting, which by the way if folding!!

I must have been really wicked, cos I certainly am not getting any rest! And I have never missed a day of work, started with the local school as chief cook and bottle washer, I clean loos as well, but it is the best job, because I start at 11.30 and finish at 6 pm. Nursing was too demanding with time and the hours too erratic.

Anyway, I'll be late for work, walking distance approx 8 mins, another reason to work at the local school as skivvy, appart from the holidays, which give me time to clear out my burned out home and overgrown gardens. Thank goodness for my new grandson a very beautiful and welcome distraction from my other wise 'eventful life'.

Good grief treez Image Image
Im not surprised you havent had time to come on here
((((((((hugs)))))))) I do hope it gets sorted soon. I cant believe its been going on for so long Image
I know Crocus,

It all sounds a bit bonkers when you write a 'short' synopsis, almost a bit flippant, sorry if it sounded that way. It's how I do the speak to stop myself from going of kilter. I almost can't believe it myself, but it is exactly how it is and more besides. The only thing I am finding difficult isn't the lack of money, not even the fact I wont be able to return to my family home, it's the adapting to my husbands almost demetia state after the brain infarcts. I want him to react with an agile mind, even when he was in either the depression or the manic phase of his mental illness his motor responses were alert, and this will never change now. How do you adapt? I'll just have to and I will carry on.

The other thing I find hard is the isolation, as with our 'different' family life I have become a little self contained! My very old and dear friends all live in and around Manchester, I don't have a car, I hate driving anyway, can't afford a vehicle so I walk everywhere, that doesn't bother me at all.

I don't feel alone on this site, and it helps. Thanks for listening to me, I would love to return the good deed, thank God for the listeners.

Take care and I hope all is well with you.

Treez xx
I understand how its easy to sound flippant when you are talking about something that actually hurts very much - its the only way to deal with it. Image
Im so, so sorry that things have turned out the way they have. Who is caring for your hubby now? It seems so difficult when someone you once loved turns into someone different and you have to cope with this strange person. Im not surprised that you feel isolated after all that, it is almost too much to credit. Are things more stable now or is everything still in flux?
Do come and join us on here. I know its not the same as face to face friendship, but it helps ease the pain and at least everyone is supportive.

Hello Treez, I read your post with sadness, the last few years have clearly been a total nightmare. I really can't understand why he hasn't been sectioned. Moving out of the house must have been an enormous decision, but the right one. Is anyone supporting you? Has your GP arranged any counselling?
Hi Bowlingbun,

Thanks for being at t'other end, it's so good to know that there is someone out there that reads your 'outpourings', sometimes you feel such a moaning whinger you hate yourself...and selfish with it!!! Enough self loathing for one day I know each and every one of us has to give ourselves a kick up the backside on a regular basis Image

It has been a little on the busy side, but I am not without hope, I do have my daughter and her partner and my grandson, and my lovely son around, so I am better off than a lot of people who are completely without family. I tried councelling for a couple of times as I thought I'd give it a try, but lets just say I ended up wanting to tell her how to do her job!! Now I don't know how much of that was my own personality, but I just didn't get the feeling it was for me. I do have someone who takes me 'out of myself', but she now lives back in the north of England, and there are'nt that many people who can fit into a family situation like ours with ease....Is that me throwing obstacles?
I also have a nursing friend from '86 and a friend from '73, so once I make friends it's for life, but again with us moving to Cornwall from 2002 we kind of cut ourselves off, but at that time our children were 7 and 11 years old then....you forget they will grow up. Then when my husband had we thought to be a breakdown in 2004 it kind of stopped us in our tracks and we cut ourselves off, the usual shame and guilt of mental illness drowning us. It stopped us forging our life in the way we had hoped.

My brothers and sister all have there lives, I'm close to one brother, but he cares for his wife who has rheumatoid arthritis, but we are on facebook and contact is there. I also have people from the late seventies who I nursed with who still write and occasionally ring, one who now has told me that her son has been diagnosed with Bipolar and who has had a really bad time with him..so I suppose that's my therapy really.

The biggest problem for me is that now, at 56, I feel alone...no one to just call on. I don't like to ask for help, or invite myself, I don't want to be anyones 'burden'. Ooh I am a sad individual are'nt I ? Image

I suppose even though I have fought the banks re my husbands debt, which came down to irresponsible lending, and won without paying for a solicitor and this was after I was told I would have to set up a repayment scheme by those trying to help me get his debt written off, and even though I fought for his rights and that of our family and made sense of it all, even when people told me to divorce him because 'I was only human' but made my own decision to help him, because it could of been me needing help, even though I saw through my expectations of him as a husband to his illness, and I became objective, even though our home went up in smoke and I dealt with it, even though the mental health team didn't help him or me and I carried on, even though it was clear he was a danger to himself and sadly others, I still fought his corner and helped secure DLA in an economic climate that makes it difficult to get such benefits, even though my story was made available the the 'health minister' through my MP, even though the Parliamentary and Health Service Ombudsman are working on a full and formal investigation into what they state as clear evidence of inappropriate care because of my own relentless persuance, even though I have been through all this, I feel a failure!!

I've just come up for air...so very sorry it just kind of came from no where all that ..... and yes I'm a bit teary after that rant I sincerely apologise, you are all heroes on here and I am privaleged to be among those who truly care...I'm going to make a cup of tea, give myself a huge kick up the rear and a virtual slap and thank my lucky stars it's not as bad as some people's dilemas, I really do know I'm not alone in my aloneness...and so very sorry I subjected you and anyone else who may read this to my selfish self pity.
I hope I'm forgiven.

I do feel better though....is that normal?

Love to you and all carers out there, I truly wish you well, and I want so much to do my bit, I can listen too...

Treez xx