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Newbie - Carers UK Forum

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Hi my name is angie I’m 46 married to my husband for 14 years this July. My husband recently had a bleed to the brain and an aneurysm spent 3 weeks in the QE in Birmingham due to his bleed. He’s not home things are not what they were he gets very confused anxious and I’m having to be his carer now. I’m only a few weeks in life is ok but very lonely in taking things on a day to day basis all I can do, hubby gets so fustrated that he can’t go out to work or get in his car to drive I do feel for him so very much, he gets so insecure wanting to know where I am asking me why I’m still here. Spent over3 weeks at his bedside when he was in an induced coma where else would I be. Just wondering if there anyone else out there in a similar situation or has been in past.
Hi Angie and welcome.
It's not my area of caring but just wanted to make sure your post had been acknowledged. What a scary situation to be suddenly thrust into. Have you any idea when he may be discharged? He should be discharged with a care plan in place but with a caring wife the authorities may try skipping this step. Do not let them. It's a sad indictment of the system in this country currently that carers have to become fighters and battle to make sure their carees get what they are entitled to
Do you have support for family and friends? You need to look I after you too

Kr
MrsA
Hi Angie welcome to the forum
I've sort of been in a similar position to you. Nearly 3½ years ago my husband was also in the QE hospital. Sadly he had a severe stroke and was developing vascular dementia ( unbeknown to the family) although suspected deep down. I'm only telling you this because I understand the trauma of being at the hospital hour after hour, fearful of the future, and trying to keep your spouse calm etc. Trying to understand their confusion and not having any concrete answers.
As Mrs A wisely says, do not allow the staff to cohearse you into caring at home for your husband with a care package. Or have I misunderstood your post and he is already at home?
I hope you have chance for some time to yourself. Its absolutely a must. Something that you learn, to carry on and stay strong.
Welcome to the forum.

Adjusting to something so catastrophic is going to take a lot of time, don't be surprised if you go through a mourning period.

How is this going to affect you financially? We may be able to suggest a few options, but if you have problems, be sure to talk to someone about them before the problem gets difficult to resolve.
Hi, my husband had an acute on chronic Heamatoma which I think is the same or similar to a bleed on the brain back in 2013 but he was 74. He spent nearly 3 weeks in Queens in Nottingham.

Have you tried Headway for support? They are really a charity for people of working age as they have limited funding and their aim is to get people back to work in the long term ,so they were not really suitable for us but were very helpful re benefits. Do check out their website.

Your husband is still young so maybe he will make a full recovery but it will take time.

The personality changes can be difficult to cope with.

It is very hard making the transition from partner to carer so do get all the support you can. I think Headway do have centres where people can go for help and support plus an advice line.
Hi,

I've been in a similar position to you in that my long-time partner/soulmate became suddenly dependent in 2013 after a brain injury. I recognize all of the emotions he went through and largely still has. I think suddenly being dependent on others made him very insecure and clingy and frightened. Also frustrated at what he couldn't do for himself. I couldn't understand at the time why selling the car was so important to him but he later told me it was a constant reminder of everything he couldn't do any more. He was also determined for a very long time that he was going back to work, although sadly this was never going to be possible. He was very confused at first. This has got much better and there only patches of confusion such as what day of the week it is. At least now he knows he gets confused and understands it even if he doesn't like it very much.

Every morning he wakes up next to me and smiles which makes me smile.

I won't go into the pros and cons of different options for caring for him, plenty of others will fill you in on those but my film quote response to all suggestions apart from him coming home and me caring for him was "You love him, right? That's all you need to know." [Kate and Leopold]. It sounds like that would chime with you.

Do what you feel is right for you and your husband, whatever that is and whatever others think. Listen to all the conflicting advice you get, weigh it up but ultimately stand by your own (joint) decision on how to go forward.

Remember there is every chance that his condition will improve, possibly dramatically but make the most of every day, without over tiring yourself.

Would you like to tell us a bit about what life was like before and how it's changed?