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Sometimes it's just too much - Carers UK Forum

Sometimes it's just too much

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Every few months I come onto this forum when times are hard. I read the support you offer each other and then I drift away again, knowing that somewhere out there are people who care, people who know how heart-breaking and painful this life can be, people who feel the same weakness, anger and guilt that I feel. A few months ago I even registered but stayed silent. It helped enough to know you were out there somewhere.

There's a point I've reached where it doesn't help anymore. I just desperately want someone, anyone to know this loneliness, helplessness and pain I feel. Everyone knows about my husband's pain. Everyone says I'm so strong and I have the patience of a saint. Everyone says they'll be there if I need anything. But they all live too far away. They all have their own lives. And when I'm falling apart it's just me on my own here. Trying to pull myself out of this so I can go cook his dinner an provide the emotional support he needs.

My husband has a hard enough time worrying about what else will go wrong and whether I'm coping. I'm trying desperately to help him find some peace of mind so he can focus on recovery, if it ever comes. His head is in so much of a twist from all the drugs, the pain, the isolation that if my feelings come out he'll flit between supportiveness and lashing out at me. I'm scared that I might not make it through this, I'm scared the chronic stress has affected my brain and my career is suffering, I'm scared the impermanence of my line of work will leave me unable to support us and I'm scared that if I don't find the willpower to get up and cook the next meal, I won't be able to get up again to give my husband the help he needs.

I might not have the time or the energy to reply to whatever words of encouragement you can offer me. I can only apologise if that is the case. But know that whatever you say will be read and in my heart I'll be eternally grateful that your words helped me get through another day. Thank you for taking the time to let me be heard.
Hello Jaq and welcome to the forum

I'm glad that you 've finally found the strength to join us - one thing we're very good at is - just listening Image It can help just to know that someone is here and that you are being heard. We can offer support, advice, a shoulder to cry on - but we also offer a place to rant at the world, a place where you can say what you like and not be judged and, on occassion, we can make you laugh too Image

Do you have any outside help and support at all ? Have you had a Carer's Assessment from Social Services ? Has your husband been assessed by them ? There is help available but all too often you have to ask for it, it never seems to be offered.

Have you had a benefits check to see what financial help you might be entitled to ?

I know these are practical matters and the support you crave is more on an emotional level, but with the practical issues taken care of you would have more time to concentrate on your emotional needs.
Hi Jaq

So glad you managed to post. We are here and we are listening. Post when ever you feel able and let us know how you are getting on. Caring is so isolating just knowing that there is someone else out there is such a help to me
I can't add any more practical advice other than what susie has already posted but please accept a HUG from me

Take care
Hello Jaq....its lovely that you have decided to post on the forum but it is also so sad that you have become so low with everything that is happening in life. You are so right that this forum and its members are very supportive of each other and I for one, will be forever thankful for the support I received when I was at a very low point in life. I know that everyone will be here for you too, with some understanding of what you are going through so please just post when you feel you want. There is usually someone around - somewhere on the board!

Take good care Jaq.

Bell x
Hi and welcome.There is no one answer to this,we each of us find our own way, if we can,depending on our situations,personalities and support.The Forum can help to break up the day,give us access to like minded people,a short escape.It can also be a source of advice.It sounds as though you are close to burning out,and i strongly recommend you have a word with your GP,tell him/her how you are feeling and what effect the situation is having on you.We all need help at times,and we all have our breaking point.Get some help before you reach that point. Image
Hello Jaq.

Although its lovely to hear from you I am sorry to hear that things are just so hard for you right now. I'm pleased that you have got some comfort before from reading other postings. Thats good. But obviously you have hit a low point and its hard to see the way ahead at times like this. So many of us can feel very alone and the weight of responsibility so often feels just too much for one person to carry. Its hard to give emotional support to those we love when we feel empty and worn out.

I wish I could give you the answer but of course there is no neat answer. The low point you are at right now is not about you. It's about your circumstances. In your shoes, we would all feel the way you do right now. Sometimes, when the weight feels too much for me to carry, I give myself a little slack. I try just a little less to be the perfect son, always on the ball and always generous with my time, and striving to be the best son I can be. I'm not used to giving myself a bit of slack. I have to work at that. But I know when I need to expect a little less of myself, and I know its not about me being selfish. It's work in progress !

Its ok, you dont have to send thanks or anything. I'm sure we all hope and pray that this will pass. It's time to take care of yourself, Jaq. Please do so.

Warmest good wishes to you...

Robert
Welcome, I am sure london is not to far from you xx
Hi Jaq and welcome. So glad you found the courage to post. Please don't drift away because the support we have for each other here is equal to none and extends to everyone who needs it, for as long as they need it.
And we do understand as we have been, will be or still are where you are now.
Hi Jaq,
Glad you have been able to write, your post brought back memories for me. scary
ones I should say. This constant pressure of having to hide your own feelings , because
it will effect your husband, I had this with my mum, if she seen any slight strain on me
her illnesses all became worse , so I know exactly what you mean.
but we are all listening , and will keep
being here for you. try the doc. maybe help a bit. keep looking in even if you cant
reply, hope I have not upset you in any way. here's one of my daft
Image
Hi Jaq

Theres not alot I can say that hasnt already been said here, other than this lot are brilliant, they have helped me through some troubled times, put up with me ranting and raving, if I was driving them mad they showed no sign,

We are all here day or night (im a frequent middle of the nighter here) anytime you want to talk, there is someone here who will listen.
Please do get yourself to your GP and have a chat with them, take care of yourself,

You know where we are if you need us

Simon