Schizophrenic father, stroke paralysed mother and a job

[silverday]

Hi Excession
I don't really have much to add to the good advice that the others have already given, but just wanted to say I do understand a little about your situation. I care for my mother who has chronic schizophrenia - she holds many beliefs not connected to reality even when on medication. I am the only family she has. We live together, but I can still work part-time. I would say do not give up your job.
You are not financially responsible for the care of your parents. They should definitely get a new financial assessment done.
take care

[india77]

Hi bit of a late welcome to the forum

[poppett]

I can only stress the importance of keeping your job and getting an updated carer assessment/needs assessment for your parents. Also a benefits check for them would be a good idea.

I am an only child too. Take comfort from the fact that if you had siblings the chances of you all agreeing on the right care provision for your parents is about zero.....I know from experience of friends with brothers and sisters going through the same ordeal.

Hope you find the forum useful.xx

[Melly1]

You have been given lots of great advice , I just wanted to welcome you to the forum.

Melly1

[Excession]

I certainly have, thank you everyone!

Just an update on my situation:

My fathers condition now appears to be deteriorating rapidly. He's started interfering with the carers for my Mum (kicking them out or saying strange things to them) and has said some aggressive things to my Mum over the past 24 hours.

I've informed the social workers responsible for my parents via email that the situation is deteriorating and that I may need their assistance and urgent care review within the next 48 hours.

Mum was happy to leave it overnight and then sort things out in the morning if the situation has not improved. I'll speak to her tomorrow and then inform the relevant people if things need escalating.

I spoke to my Mum about what would happen to her if Dad went into hospital, and she seemed to accept that I couldn't give up my work and that she may have to go into temporary care while Dad is treated. She understands that I couldn't continue financially without work.

TBH I think it'd be good for her - currently she spends the day sat there watching TV (while Dad talks to it -_-) and not really doing much or interacting with people. At least in care she would be able to socialise with those around her! It would also give me a chance to get the house clean and tidy.

As for my Dad, if he won't take his medication voluntarily still, then the social workers and his GP will evaluate him under the Mental Health Act and section him for treatment. I'm very concerned about his physical health, as when he stopped taking his medication, he also stopped taking medication for high blood pressure, cholesterol and diabetes, so forcibly giving him that medication again is needed before he ends up dying from a heart attack or complications from diabetes.

Explaining all this to my boss if I need to run off tomorrow should make for an interesting conversation! (Luckily all of my superiors are understanding and flexible - yay for small mercies).

[bowlingbun]

As a carer you have some rights about taking time off in emergencies. Click on the Help and Advice tab at the top of the page, and you should find an online booklet with loads of information.

[Excession]

Unfortunately the "Guide to Carers Rights" link on the Helf & Advice page appears to be dead!

I don't have any doubt that I'll be able to get enough time off to sort things out. I've still got some holiday days left if they make a fuss anyway.

[cotula]

Here is the link for Carers' Rights at work: http://www.carersuk.org/component/k2/it ... lkZSI7fQ==

I hope a mod. will spot this thread re: the dead link, and pass it on to the relevant bod at CarersUK.

[Excession]

Hi guys,

Just a further update!

On Wednesday last week my father finally lost the plot and was going to leave the house and run away somewhere (he's not left the house in over 10 years). He was very abusive verbally towards my mother and was not making any sense at all.

I'd prepared the social workers on the Monday when we had another blip from him that things might be coming to a head, and they were in contact with my mother at the time. It was clear when Dad picked the phone up to one of the social workers that he was losing it.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, things were kicked off and he was evaluated under the mental health act. After some arguments he went voluntarily to the mental hospital where he is now being held under section. (At one point we had a social worker, doctor, psychiatrist, two police officers and two ambulance staff in the house!)

Mum has been placed in a local (to her) nursing home on an emergency basis, with the current stay placed at around two weeks. I very much doubt it'll remain at two weeks - it's likely my Dad could be hospitalised for months. Mum is reasonably happy in the nursing home - she's receiving appropriate care and the staff there are all treating her well - but I'm worried she'll be lonely or not able to do things she normally would at home. I've tried to get her settled in, getting a TV for her room and bringing some of her home comforts to her.

Dad has clothes and doesn't require much else at the minute. He's gotten worse over the last few days and is still refusing to take his medication, although if he continues to refuse they can now at least force him to start taking medication. I believe they were going to give it a week before starting him on the meds whether he likes it or not.

Dad's currently being held about 30 miles from me, with Mum in a nursing home around 18 miles away (their home is about 12 miles from me), so I'm covering a lot more miles at the minute. Since last week I've done about 300 miles running back and forth trying to get everyone sorted. They will move Dad to a closer hospital once a bed becomes available.

I'm currently trying to get into a routine, so I'll be visiting Mum Tuesday and Thursday with one or two visits at the weekend, and I'll mix in visits with Dad when he needs something as he doesn't really have anything to say to me at the minute, having lost touch with reality.

I'm slightly worried about how they're going to pay for Mum in the care home, as she's already received some paperwork asking for payment of something like £650/week. I've not had eyes on this paperwork yet so she may have misinterpreted it. I'll get onto her social worker about this ASAP once I've read through it tomorrow.

So yeah, things escalated quickly!

[bowlingbun]

Make sure mum doesn't sign to agree to paying herself. If Social Services placed her there, then at the moment they must pay (I'm fairly certain that mum can have a few weeks free care). Start discussing funding with SSD as soon as possible. Do you have Power of Attorney?