Hi,
Thought I'd join here and share my story - it's a long one.
I'm in my late 20s working 40 hours a week in a high tech, fast moving industry. I'm an only-child and live about 20 miles away from my parents in a rented house with my partner. At the weekends I visit my parents who are both ill in different ways.
My parents live together and care for each other. My father suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, which has barely been controlled by his medication for several years. He holds many beliefs which aren't compatible with reality, including that he's some sort of secret agent out to stop an entity called 'The Ring' from distributing illegal drugs and killing people. He also believes he's the owner of several multi-national corporations (e.g. McDonalds, Tesco, ASDA, etc). He's not left the house in over 10 years in case it 'blows his cover'.
My mother suffered from a stroke in 2007 which has left her paralysed down the left side of her body. She has very minor use of her left leg, so she's able - with assistance - to transfer from one chair to another, but has no use of her left hand (she's also left-handed). She is unable to make food or drinks for herself, or use the toilet without assistance to remove her clothing, as she no longer has the dexterity or coordination to handle these tasks and so is in need of constant supervision and care. Despite the physical symptoms and some memory issues, she's otherwise still herself. She has carers visit her two times per day (8am to get her up and wash her and 8pm to put her to bed).
Despite my fathers condition, he's been providing the care my mum needs for the past several years. Mum returns the care by ensuring he continues to take his tablets and looks after his personal hygiene and the house (which is difficult for someone who seems to have no care for these things at all).
I visit at the weekends, try to keep the place tidy, do the shopping for them, run errands, etc.
In the last three weeks my dad has been refusing to take his medication, despite involving his GP and social worker in an attempt to intervene. It takes a few weeks for his medication to 'wear off' (and conversely it takes a few weeks to start working again too), and from the discussion I've had with my mum this evening it appears his mental condition is deteriorating.
It's likely that unless he starts taking his medication again immediately, we will have no choice but to section him. This will result in mum no longer being able to get the care she needs without me giving up my job to look after her.
Selfishly, I really don't want to give up my work. I love my job, it's not just a job, it's a hobby for me. It's also in a fast-moving industry where any time out can result in you falling behind in your skillset, making it difficult to get back into. I also have 10 months left on the lease of the property I'm in, and I cannot afford the rent if I were to stop working. My mum couldn't move in with me as the house has no adaptations suitable for my mum. I have no brothers or sisters and my parents have no close friends who could step in to assist.
The social workers have discussed respite care for my mum should my dad need to be hospitalised again. This does put me in a horrible situation because I obviously don't want my mum to go into care, but I can't provide the care she needs without giving up my own life entirely and putting my partner into an unsustainable financial situation (she is paid barely half of my salary and couldn't afford the rent by herself).
My parents are just scraping by financially, despite me offering them assistance when necessary. I'm not sure I could afford to pay for in-home care, and I don't know what I'd do about paying for long-term care should it become necessary (and it's looking more and more likely).
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place at the minute and I really don't know what to do. Things are teetering on the edge depending on which way my fathers condition is going to go and I'm constantly on edge because of it. I lose patience with my parents really easily and end up getting angry at them, and I feel guilty because of it. Their issues aren't their fault, this isn't a situation that they've somehow called upon themselves, so I don't know why it angers me so much.
Sorry for the long post - believe me, I could make this post 5 times as long and I still wouldn't have covered everything. I feel like Atlas, with the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Thought I'd join here and share my story - it's a long one.
I'm in my late 20s working 40 hours a week in a high tech, fast moving industry. I'm an only-child and live about 20 miles away from my parents in a rented house with my partner. At the weekends I visit my parents who are both ill in different ways.
My parents live together and care for each other. My father suffers from paranoid schizophrenia, which has barely been controlled by his medication for several years. He holds many beliefs which aren't compatible with reality, including that he's some sort of secret agent out to stop an entity called 'The Ring' from distributing illegal drugs and killing people. He also believes he's the owner of several multi-national corporations (e.g. McDonalds, Tesco, ASDA, etc). He's not left the house in over 10 years in case it 'blows his cover'.
My mother suffered from a stroke in 2007 which has left her paralysed down the left side of her body. She has very minor use of her left leg, so she's able - with assistance - to transfer from one chair to another, but has no use of her left hand (she's also left-handed). She is unable to make food or drinks for herself, or use the toilet without assistance to remove her clothing, as she no longer has the dexterity or coordination to handle these tasks and so is in need of constant supervision and care. Despite the physical symptoms and some memory issues, she's otherwise still herself. She has carers visit her two times per day (8am to get her up and wash her and 8pm to put her to bed).
Despite my fathers condition, he's been providing the care my mum needs for the past several years. Mum returns the care by ensuring he continues to take his tablets and looks after his personal hygiene and the house (which is difficult for someone who seems to have no care for these things at all).
I visit at the weekends, try to keep the place tidy, do the shopping for them, run errands, etc.
In the last three weeks my dad has been refusing to take his medication, despite involving his GP and social worker in an attempt to intervene. It takes a few weeks for his medication to 'wear off' (and conversely it takes a few weeks to start working again too), and from the discussion I've had with my mum this evening it appears his mental condition is deteriorating.
It's likely that unless he starts taking his medication again immediately, we will have no choice but to section him. This will result in mum no longer being able to get the care she needs without me giving up my job to look after her.
Selfishly, I really don't want to give up my work. I love my job, it's not just a job, it's a hobby for me. It's also in a fast-moving industry where any time out can result in you falling behind in your skillset, making it difficult to get back into. I also have 10 months left on the lease of the property I'm in, and I cannot afford the rent if I were to stop working. My mum couldn't move in with me as the house has no adaptations suitable for my mum. I have no brothers or sisters and my parents have no close friends who could step in to assist.
The social workers have discussed respite care for my mum should my dad need to be hospitalised again. This does put me in a horrible situation because I obviously don't want my mum to go into care, but I can't provide the care she needs without giving up my own life entirely and putting my partner into an unsustainable financial situation (she is paid barely half of my salary and couldn't afford the rent by herself).
My parents are just scraping by financially, despite me offering them assistance when necessary. I'm not sure I could afford to pay for in-home care, and I don't know what I'd do about paying for long-term care should it become necessary (and it's looking more and more likely).
I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place at the minute and I really don't know what to do. Things are teetering on the edge depending on which way my fathers condition is going to go and I'm constantly on edge because of it. I lose patience with my parents really easily and end up getting angry at them, and I feel guilty because of it. Their issues aren't their fault, this isn't a situation that they've somehow called upon themselves, so I don't know why it angers me so much.
Sorry for the long post - believe me, I could make this post 5 times as long and I still wouldn't have covered everything. I feel like Atlas, with the weight of the world on my shoulders.