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Resign from work - Carers UK Forum

Resign from work

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Hi so I'm stuck on what to do ... here's our situation...
my fiancé had a bleed on brain march 28th , we're both employed by the same company, me 13 years and my partner 6 years... he's 29 I'm 41 .. they operated doing a craniotomy and he has lost all right side and speech .. he been in hospital since and recently moved to a rehab unit .. our employer are asking me to go either go bk with either reduced hours or resign.. I've been covered by a sicknote since .. if I resign would I beable to claim any esa ect.. we applied for pip and granted us enhanced rate on his discharge hopefully Dec ... I'm so confused any advice much appreciated
Hi Hayley,
Welcome to the forum.

I'm very sorry to hear about your fiancé, this must B so hard for both of you.

I'm no expert on benefits, but suggest you start here https://www.carersuk.org/upfront/ this guide will give information on what you can claim and provides info on the helpline too.

Your fiancé should receive a re-enablement package when he is discharged and you will both be entitled to have your needs assessed. Therefore it may be feasible for you to accept the offer of working part time, should you wish to do so.
In my own opinion, stay in your job because that's your way of living. You cannot supply your needs if resign and look for another job. Good luck
Hi Hayley, welcome to the forum.
From reading many posts here, it seems that the role of a partner changes if they give up work to care, because they end up doing all the drudgery, and no longer have the love and essential spark that made their relationship special.
I'm now 65, in total I've cared to a greater or lesser extent for 10 relatives, and I've had a very serious health issue, requiring major surgery. I've also had a car accident that nearly killed me, resulting in two knee replacements a few years later. I'm also widowed.
Hard though it will seem, you need to go back to work, on reduced hours, or you will regret it forever.
Your fiancée has had a dreadful health issue, which will affect him for the rest of his life. Nothing you ever do or say will change that, and I'm sure you are grieving for the lost life you planned and expected
Work will give you something different to think about and focus on, maybe help you see things more clearly.
Of course you want to help your fiancée, but you need to think of yourself more in the role of care manager, rather than provider. If you work, then that gives him a much stronger argument for having all the help and support he needs in the future as an individual.
Don't let them use the "he can only go home if you give up work to care for him" argument. That is NOT true, it's just a way of the authorities trying to save money!!!
There is a long road ahead of you. Try to think ahead about what he will need. Look at the care he is getting in hospital. When he leaves, will it be practical to go to his old home at all. How will he get upstairs, make his wishes known if he can't speak (is he having SALT - Speech and Language Therapy)? Are the hospital talking to you properly about his long term condition?
Come back to the forum if you need any guidance from people who have cared for someone with similar problems. There is a huge amount of expertise here. Everyone is friendly and can tell you how they coped themselves, there is no right or wrong, you just have to think what is best for you, no one will say "you MUST..."
Hi Hayley
I 'm not trying to detract from the advice given above, but if you were to go back to work part time, you need to make sure your earnings are less than £116. per week. So many part time jobs are just over this amount . You may still be able to juggle it by offsetting some income into a pension to bring your earnings down (can claim 50% of contributions) but it is still added hassle and paperwork to DWP so best avoided.
If you want brilliant information about any money matter (or anything else actually) Carers UK has a brilliant helpline. The phone line is often busy, but if you email them, they will get in touch. Replies may take up to a week. they made me £50 a week better off, so I'm always happy to recommend them.
The instinct to 'drop everything' and prioritise caring for your partner is very strong, and it is natural that it should be so.


Overall, you and your partner are now in what might be called 'the new normal'.....things cannot go back to the way they were before his illness (though, hopefully, over time, and with new medical advances all the time, his condition may improve....the brain, never forget, can prove very 'self-healing').

I too, strongly urge you to at the very least go back to work part time, at least 'for now.' At the very least, give it a go, see if you can manage with a part time job and being a part time carer (and partner!).

You say he is in rehab, so when is he likely to 'come home', and what will his abilities be then? For presumably while he is in rehab he doesn't actually need you to do anything but visit, is that it? So your working, whether part time or not, wouldn't make any differnence would it? The real issue comes when he comes home.

I quite agree about not being emotionally blackmailed by SS etc, whose priority is, and always will be , to NOT spend money on him/you! So yes, if they can get you to do for free what would cost them money to provide they will pressurise you to do this.

You must resist this totally - it's not up to you to save taxpayers money blah blah blah (and always remember the government wastes most of its tax revenues so we are not responsible for its spending!).

You will continue to want more from life than simply being your partner's full time carer - it's a 'deadly role' in many ways, and it won't be good for your partner to rely totally on you anyway - it will turn you from 'partner' to 'nurse' and that isn't emotionally healthy. He to needs time and space away from you.

So, I guess my own personal bottom line recommendation is to go back to work part time, having maybe been upfront with your bosses to say you want to continue to work but that it might be, if things do prove impossible when your partner comes home, that you may then have to resign after all. Can you bring any work home with you at all? That said, it depends how much active care your partner needs - it can be hard to focus on working at home if you have to be up and down all the time for someone else.

Wishing you as well as possible in a very difficult and challenging situation