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Hi guys - Carers UK Forum

Hi guys

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi guys,

So I am new to the forum and I care for a family member with motor neurone disease. I am really struggling with feelings of guilt and just general rubbishness as I feel there is no point in me being here and that I don't think I am good at it. My family keep telling me they are proud of me which makes me feel worse.

Anyone here feel the same?
Sorry for the rant in a low point right now

Welcome to the forum. Why do you feel such a failure. You are here, doing your best. Have you talked to anyone about how you feel. I had counselling which taught me to feel proud of what I could do, not beat myself up about what I couldn't. Really life changing for me.
Hi and welcome

Please don't feel badly about yourself. Caring is difficult. I am sure you are doing a fine job.
Those feelings are shared by many, if not the majority of, carers and sometimes being told you are doing a great job by people around you just puts more pressure on when all you want to do is scream 'someone help me'. Are you getting any help at all? (Or does the family just pat you on the back and offer nothing?} Do any carers attend? Have you had a carer's assessment to see if there's any help available to you so that you can carry on? All carers need 'time out'. We call it 'me time'.
In actual fact no-one can be forced to care. There's no legal or even moral reason why one person has to be the carer for another, whatever the relationship. (Unless for ones child of course). There is always the ultimate choice to refuse and walk away. We've had members on here who have done just that and no-one has a word of blame to say. We know how very hard it can get and heard their stories.
If you would like to share what you are finding difficult (apart from everything) we will do our best to advise, encourage or just share our own experiences and try to support you from afar.
keep posting.
Just wondered if you have contacted Social Services? They may be able to give you some help and support. Ask them for a Needs Assessment for your caree, and a Carers Assessment for yourself. How much can your partner do now? Has anyone told you about NHS Continuing Healthcare if your partner needs a great deal of support?
Sorry you at a low ebb. IF and when you feel like talking some more, we can listen.
Hope you are getting reasonable sleep, when worries interrupt our sleep it all becomes a viscious circle.
Sometimes this time of year can make us feel even worse, short days, dark and dreary. wotever the circumstance.
Dunno wot else to say, just want you to know you are welcome here. And yep, those sort of (complicated?) feelings are not at all usual.

I'm pretty new here too and I can relate completely. I've been a carer for my now husband on and off for 7 years (I'm his full time carer now and looks like it will remain that way from now on). I know what you mean about the family saying they are proud of you etc. They are just trying to be nice and encouraging, but it can feel like a bit more pressure to be perfect and like they don't get that you need some support. I'm sure you're doing fine and much better than you think, but I understand that feeling of not being 'good enough' - it's hard to shake.

I would agree you could get help with a Carers Assessment and a Needs Assessment. I haven't had one ever and I really feel it is time now.
Hi, I'm pretty new here, I'm in my late twenties and have been caring for my mum since I was 8. I can totally relate to those types of feelings completely, It's something i struggle with from time to time too. I don't really have a lot of advice apart from just to let you know that you aren't alone and are doing a very difficult job, and I'm sure you are doing an amazing one at that. I think it's hard to see this about ourselves; I know I certainly don't view other carers the way I view myself! So try to be a little kinder to yourself, easier said that done, if only I'd take my own advice!
Hopefully that will make you feel not so isolated as can so often happen being a carer. Xxx

I kinda understand what you mean, I've been in the same position many times though due to different circumstances not entirely the same. My family do the same thing to me every time they see i'm look down and worn out. Their phrase is you deserve a medal.., I actually don't deserve one its just their way of saying i couldn't do what you have, sadly is the case for most people. It takes someone really special to be a carer, they sacrifice a lot to see loved ones/friends/family are cared for. Take pride in that fact, it's not easy i will admit and so will most of the others here. Usually help is available if you ask for it, knowing it's there for you is not always known to most of us until it's years/decades later in some cases.

I'm sure you will find lots of useful advice on the forums, ways of dealing with situations you face.
I hope you can find some answers to guide you.