Re introduce myself.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi all, i was a member here a couple of years ago and let things slip. I live away from my marital home to live with my dad as his sole carer 24/7. Dad has a page long list of health issues. Dad is not mobile and i use a stand aid hoist to transfer/ reposition etc. Life is hard as you all know. My husband is due to have surgery which i need to be home for!!! :lol: and i now have more health issues of my own. I have come back to the forum for some advice/guidance/support.I will see you in other sections with my questions. Equally, i hope to be able to help some of you too.

Welcome back! What's your dad's financial situation? Is he under the threshold for 'free' care, or does he have to pay for his own care.

If the latter, then maybe now is the time to contact some private care agencies to line up someone/a team to 'take over' from you when your husband has his surgery - and perhaps longer term too, since you say you now have your own health issues:????

If the former, then maybe time to flag up your imminent departure to the SS/GP so that they have time to sort out your 'replacement'.

Remember, you have NO legal 'duty of care' and are 'free to walk' (for any reason, whether your husband needs surgery, or you can't do it any longer because of your own poor health, or even that you simply don't want to do it any longer!) - and no one can 'force you to care'. (not even your dad.....)
I think the time has surely come for dad to move into residential care so that you can look after your husband and yourself.

So many parents seem to think they have a right to take over their child's life, which to me is so, so wrong. They also forget that as they themselves get older, so do their children. I could juggle lots of competing needs for my attention when I was younger, because I had energy enough to work until 10pm, sometimes 1am!

However now I have an evening meal and that's it, but then I'm 65 now.
It does sound like you've 'done your bit', and more. BB may well be right in saying that with your own health deterioriating, and your husband needing surgery, it is time to call time on how much you do for your father.

The trouble is, I know, that we long to 'see them out' in a way that means they get only family care till the end, but the problem with that is that all too often they are with us longer than our energy reserves, and, as BB says, well into our OWN 'old age' (with all the health problems that tends to bring).

The main problem with caring is not having any idea of just how long it's going to have to go on for. With me, had I known 'for sure' that my poor MIL would not see the year out, I'd have set aside those months and dedicated myself to her. She could have lived with me, and had the lovely 'sunset' she wanted, with me looking after her and cossetting her right to the end. But four years later she is still in this world, and in a very, very poor state indeed (advanced dementia now, poor soul).