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jenny lucas Online
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- Posts: 9648
- Joined: Mon Oct 07, 2013 5:39 pm
Sat Oct 13, 2018 11:27 am
H - glad you feel that way too! It is just SO despicable of the mother....vile, vile, vile.
I hope this brave and bereaved young man can, in time, build a new family of his own, with a loving wife and children yet to come. (This may be with you - you are both so very young, so you both have to allow for the fact that you MAY go your separate ways in the years ahead - but even if not, then you are being a true, true friend to him now, and that is wonderful)
As for his mother, she deserves no consideration at all. Even if she were not an alcoholic, she'd still be monstrous. Yet this poor boy is going on hoping and hoping that 'one day' she will turn into a warm, loving and compassionate mother.
Can you tell us a little more of the broader situation? For example, where are you living currently? Are you still with your parents (I'm assuming you're the same age thereabout?). If so, are they being warm and welcoming to him? Many folk find their 'inlaws' much nicer than their own parents!
At 18, is your BF still in school, in work, at college/uni? What is he planning for his own future? What does he want to be in his life?
It's important he looks ahead. It's going to be hard - and quite slow - for him to accept his mother has rejected him permanently, and there is NOTHING he can do for her (even if she deserved it). I'm not saying he 'walks away from her and never goes near her again', but he does need to focus on his future, not his past. What would his dad want for him do you think? (I know my son's dad would be SO proud of what he's achieved now, in his case, graduating from uni and so on, and I always tell my son that!).
Your young man has had a dreadful, dreadful time of it since he lost his dad, and his sister....and now, effectively, his mother too. Does he have, do you think ,'good memories' from a childhood before he lost his dad and sister? Perhaps talking about those with him can reassure him that his life was once 'good' and that it can be 'good again' ....even if, this time, it is going to be a case of, in say, a decade or two, becoming a dad himself, with a loving wife and children....sometimes those who are bereaved can look forward to 're-creating' their own happier lives before tragedy struck....
Finally, for now, I wonder if it would help if you checked out some of the forums on the internet for the children of abusive parents. I think, without doubt, your bf/s mum IS 'abusive' in her behaviour to him - emotionally without a doubt. That vile rejection of him IS abusive, and highly damaging and unbearably hurtful. So learning how to cope with this, from abuse counsellors, and other survivors of emotional abuse, might help him....and help you to help him too.
With kind wishes, and again, I'm so glad to hear he has you in his life.....poor, poor lad.