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Please pleas help, I am at the end of my tether. - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Please pleas help, I am at the end of my tether.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Jane l cant add anything else to what the others have said just wanted to welcome you to the forum and l hope you can get some help put in place
take care and best wishes
all the best Jeanxx
Hi Jane.
I have come out of self imposed exile to add a reply to your posting.
When i read what you had to say i thought i better post again i am one of the longest serving members from the old CUK site and i would like to say that i admire you for telling us what you have been through and what you are still going through you may find help by talking to others that suffer the same as you but you will certainly get help from this site.
Sometimes talking to someone like yourself suffering the same as you.
Will not always work as you sometimes take on there worries and make yourself worse so i think you have done the right thing in talking about it to all on this site and i see you have been given some good advice.
When i say it's not always best to talk with some one suffering the same as you i mean like my wife Pat although Pat is in a wheelchair and is an Amputee Pat doesn't want to go on holiday with special groups ie disable people we prefer to go with a mixed group.
So you have come to the right place we are definitely a mixed group we come from all over country And missionaries even went to Newcastle and they found and converted Rosemary. Ha Ha.
Hi Jane

I hope that today has been a better day for you, I have to say that the thought of coming home this evening and having 'somewhere' to go, to read, get my now daily fix of support and just lurk was a wonderful feeling, thank God I joined, I really do hope you feel the same way too. You cannot measure the true scale of what its like knowing that there are people out there that really do care and more importantly understand what you are feeling and going through.

best wishes for a good day tomorrow, Sally xx

ps Rosemary - mine's a latte please, no biscuits! x Image
Quick service....one latte coming up.... Image
JohnRJ said
And missionaries even went to Newcastle and they found and converted Rosemary. Ha Ha.
I see John,pick on me eh,the quiet,shy one of this forum.Me who NEVER teases anyone,never sends them mock pics of themselves dressed up in costumes Image Image

How will I sleep tonight Image Image

So good to see you posting John.Thx for the email.Love to you and Pat.

x x x x

I always knew having an arse like a rhinos would come in handy one day,big and thick skinned... Image Image Image Image Image Image
Hi Jane,

I've only just read your posting & firstly I would like to welcome you to the forum!!
I totally agree with what Rosemary has told you to do, please look on all the links that she provided they will help & try to talk as much as possible.
You want to look at the telephone situation as well, otherwise you will not get any life for yourself & your husband.
Don't feel guilt I know its hard Jane as my husband has suffered with a mental illness all our married life but you will get support from people on the forum & we are always here when you are feeling down. Keep strong you sound like your a lovely young woman who has coped so well & I'm here if you fancy a chat anytime.

Take care Deb xx Image
hi jane

what a heartbreaking story yours is,i've had a difficult time throughout my life but nothing to yours.
Mum was a very difficult women to live with im not sure if it was due to mental illness or just depression she took alot of her moods out on me from as far back as i can remember.
Strangely enough i left home at 17 not entirely down to her behaviour but down to the abuse she allowed to happen from my brother.I still remained her carer which is exactly what you are to your parents i'd have phone calls and tantrums not to the degree your going through.
She'd have the home help phone me at night to go sit with her i had three babies under 4 at tha time this went on for years.Anyway enough about me i just want to say don't go it alone get all the help and support you can and live your life.Dont feel guilt you have nothing to feel guilty for.i wish you all the best love Rachel x
Hi Jane, only just read through this and can only echo what others have said..but I will add one thing..
Guilt will ruin your life and wreck your mind if you let it.
I have suffered with guilt for almost 28 years and am only finally coming to terms with it.
You have NOTHING to feel guilty about, remember that.
now, where's that cuppa Image
Dear jane, I have only just read your sad, sad story and I think you are going through a massive ordeal. The abuse you have received in your life has made you feel so guilty and ashamed of asking for help, it is so very sad, but you know what? YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME AND NOT GUILTY OF ANYTHING. You really have to believe that, people with the kind of behavioural disorder your Mum has are very clever at making you feel less of a person and completely at thier mercy. I cannot imagine how I would have coped in your situation but i was married for 21 years (still am but separated 4 years) to a man who had some of your Mum's (and Dads) tendancies, I never knew when the next ourburst wouod come and like you say, if you forgive them they will change from being completely manic and loud and ferocious even to being kind, mild and attentive. I discovered it was all about him, he used to make me feel I was going mad, he would cleverly (and I mean very cleverly) twist what I said so that it sounded as though I was bad. He would call me a liar and belame me for things he had done and things I had not done. I could say so much more, my Dad also made me feel useless and worthless (although I was there for him 100% while poor Myum was ill and passed away), it stays with you to an extent but you can escape from the people who caused your guilty feelings and misery...that's the starting point. My husband also threatened to kill himslef, he carried out quite and elaborate stunt which he then shut out, did not let me discuss it with him and would not see the doctor. I was worried for a long time that he would do it if I didn't "behave myself" ie: be exactly as he wanted.
Your case is so much more serious but I really think Your parents should be cared for by someone else and you also have the right to change your phone numbers. You sound like a very brave person, I hope you will have ther courage to walk away from them until they have changed and have accepted help from elsewhere. Take care and good luck
hi jane

this is what my nan was like to my mum,, and as a child watching this was terrible,, my mum used to have bad bouts of depression and often if we where ill at school she would not answer the phone in case it was her mum.... so we spent the day being sick untill hometime.

I remember my mum being made to feel guilty for somethig she had done wrong when she had done nothing and being in floods of tears.

ive watched some one going through what you are going through and my heart goes out to u in a very big way,,, my dad did make a very true (although insesitive) comment "the good news is one day she will snuff it" and when she did my mum has since been like a bird released in to the wild,, she has became incredibly beautiful, and confident.
My dad used to support her and even came home from work to phone my nan back and explain that how she treated his wife was wrong (then the word on her granny street was he shouted at her and he didnt as I was there cuddling my mum with my lil sister trying to calm her down befor my dad took us all out )