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help! I dont know what to do . sorry its long ! - Carers UK Forum

help! I dont know what to do . sorry its long !

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hi all, i really need some advice on how to help my partners nan. we moved in with her about two years ago he moved in a few months before just to be here to make her feel more secure, and to help with basic needs.
She's 88 and only has her daughter , daughters husband and us. over the last year i've noticed alot of changes in her. Shes always been quite a verbally vicious women but shes got alot worse and shes pushing away everyone around her. I think she may have an incontinance problem she pads her underwear out with cut up tea towels, cloths, tissue and anything else she can get her hands on ( i've found all these well doing her washing ) even though we have bought her pads,. Shes been getting changed in her window in full view of everyone walking past( i've had complaints from other parents at the school) we had a word and it stopped for a week or two but then started again. she doesnt seem to want to wash only with babywipes she doesnt even wash her hands after shes been to the toilet, I've recently found feaces smeared all over the bathroom, shes said it was our son but as we live in wales and he was in cornwall at the time i find this impossible. She spends all night up screaming "i dont know" and if we go in she says theres nothing wrong. The doctor doesnt seem to want to visit and the daughter has been trying to get the district nurse out to assess her to discuss her problems.
We really need some advice on the best way to go forwards shes getting worse by the day and were considering moving out because we cant cope with the sleepless nights and the hygiene issues .
I've spent seven years working as a care assistant in a emi unit and dont mind taking on the majority of her care but i have a four year old and a newborn very soon to deal with, The house isn't exactly set up for her which doesnt help. And its harder to say anything to the family when your close to them. thankyou for reading and sorry its long.
Hi, Precious! Never apologise for long posts - I've done much longer ones. If anyone doesn't like the length they can always ignore it!!

It's always difficult dealing with older people - especially if they are not openly acknowledging their problems. It means that professionals may not want to get involved because she says "I'm fine, I don't need help."

It sounds to me as though there may be some memory issues - I doubt, for example, that she's regularly changed clothes in front of a window until quite recently...and it may be worth delving into whether her personal hygiene lapses are historical or recent, too. This may be grounds for asking your GP for a memory assessment. Also, if you have youngsters and are worried about the hygiene angle, emphasise the fact of what is happening (e.g. smearing faeces, not washing, etc.) with a baby well on the way. You can also ask the local social services for a carers assessment to look at your needs, especially with the baby coming. If nothing else, it will alert the authorities to what is going on and might actually lead to some help!