Hello

[David_180312]

So, what to say?
I am in Leicesterhire, I work full-time, and am also a full-time carer for my mother.
87, blind, severe difficulty walking, going deaf, diabetic, had a stroke, kidney failure, heart failure, severely restricted
diet due to food intolerances, and various other problems.
That's her, not me!
I am just diabetic and have trouble walking and some food intolerances.

I just joined today, so I can see other people in similar situations, to know that I am not alone, although it often feels like that.

[bowlingbun]

Hi David, welcome to the forum. Does mum live with you? Does she have any carers to help her whilst you are at work?

[David_180312]

We share the house, I moved back in with her 12 years ago after my Father passed away.
She was mobile then, and still drove herself around. (Including doing 3 figures in my BMW, on the wrong
side of the road while overtaking a van! - but that's another story)
She didn't have carers until January, had to go into hospital for 10 days and needed the help when she got out.
Had carers twice a day, dress, wash, and undress etc.
Now has them just in the mornings.

[Henrietta]

Hi David and welcome, sorry to launch off into a warning but just think ahead with mum's care and protect yourself. If Mum , much further down the road needs full time residential care, if she owns the house it could be included in the financial assessment if the council choose to ignore their discretionary disregard like lovely Borough of Poole and will take no notice of it being your main residence if you are under 60 and not disabled. I doubt that diabetes would count? .
As I say , apologies for the warning but after my experience with B o P , I feel it my duty to warn as may others who may be in danger as possible that their house could be in danger of vanishing. They will happily let you give up years of your life while you provide the care but as soon as you need real help, they will come along and stamp on you and take away everything you possess.
Sadly society and English law is not in favour of family care and looking after our parents.
More apologies that this welcome sounds a bit melodrmatic but better to know the pitfalls that may lie ahead when you live at home.

[David_180312]

The house is in joint names, we spoke to a solicitor at the time and got it all legally sorted.

[bowlingbun]

That's a relief, very shrewd move. Sadly, we have had a number of forum members who have moved in with an elderly parent in rented housing. When that parent has died, there was no "right of succession" and the carer was left homeless 4 weeks later. Dreadful.
It also means that should mum need residential care, the value of her home should be ignored, as you can't sell half a house!
Mum sounds quite a character, but that can be a "double edged sword" as determination isn't always easy to manage. (I feel sorry for my son who lives with me sometimes!!)

[David_180312]

She is a character.
The brain still works, unfortunately not much else, legs, eyes, heart, kidneys etc!

[Henrietta]

I am very pleased to hear that, sorry if I hijacked your thread but if I can warn one person about it and save them a whole pile of stress it will have been worth it.

[Rosemary_1706]

Is one carer visit sufficient or would it make your life easier if she had more? Has the local authority occupational therapist evaluated her?

[David_180312]

She had carers twice a day for the first month after coming out of hospital, but we both found that very restrictive if
she wanted to go to bed earlier or later than usual.

OT's have been a couple of times, we have received a couple of things from them, but on the days they came
she managed to stand up and get upstairs (walking frames and through-floor-lift) without much help from me.

May get them back in a few months to assess her again.