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Patience dissappeared - Carers UK Forum

Patience dissappeared

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am a 72 young at heart carer for my 67 year old husband for last three years , after losing one leg due to diabetes he is now a double leg amputee , for the last two years he has relied on me for everything, even though he could do more. I am struggling as any patience I once had has disappeared with his constant moaning and complaining . Feel totally drained but I want to get my sense of humour back and feel better about myself.. :roll:
Most of the forum are taking a break up on another planet somewhere
but will be back soon to cheer you up. :)
I can relate Wendy. We are a really nice group of people and we will be there for you.

I am a carer for a 'difficult' 79 year old - I am 56. It is very hard but you are posting on a forum where we do understand and you will get support,
Hi Wendy. I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It is terrible that your husband lost his legs due to diabetes. I hope you don't mind me asking this but did he not know he had diabetes?
Do you have carers to help look after your husband? You certainly should be getting lots of support.
I'm a full time carer looking after my elderly mum and sometimes I feel like I'm 'trapped' indoors so I understand how you feel. I don't actually live with my mum so at least sometimes I can escape!! On a more serious note I find going for a daily walk (with mum's dog) helps and having somewhere to go on a regular basis helps to. Make sure you get some 'me' time when you can do what you want to do.
My husband has been insulin dependant for 47 years. Always been a moaner but feels as if he blames me. Have been assessed but not offered any help even though he needs help with all personal care and due to cateracts have to do his injections.
I do walk a neighbours dog few times a week and can get out for few hours occasionally but the unpleasantness before and after spoils my time with a friend
Hi Wendy and welcome,

Not surprised you are feeling drained of patience.

Maybe it's time to get outside care workers to take on some of hubby's personal care, to free you up a bit. Don't let his nastiness before and after you go out, put you off, otherwise he will have succeeded in making you as miserable as he is. Try and go out everyday, so he gets more used to it and to give yourself a break. Does he have any interests to keep him busy? Could you bundle him off out occasionally, so you have the house to yourself?

Albert is referring to https://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-a ... 2018-35177

We also drop into Roll Call for the equivalent of an over the fence natter, https://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-a ... call-35043

Hi Wendy
Phone council back and demand copies of his care needs assessment and of your carers assessment.
If they actually did complete them this is your right, and you can then go back to them with any inaccuracies, which should then result in help.
If they didnt do them ( as is likely) they will have to 're do them

Also if hubby has more than £23250 in savings or assets (excluding your home) you can arrange and pay for care privately. Less than that and council should contribute

You don't have to, and shouldn't, be caring all alone. It's unsustainable
Also worth filling in the form for attendance allowance, if hubby is already receiving AA them apply for the higher rate because of change of circumstances.
Hi Wendy, welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry your husband is nasty when you go out, BUT your mental and physical health should be top priority, because he wouldn't be able to manage without you.

When did you last have a holiday on your own?