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Newbie just had enough - Carers UK Forum

Newbie just had enough

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hello, I'm a retired 60 year old woman who since 1991 has had her father living with her, he's now 95 years old. In that time I've had one night away from him when he was in hospital. He is constantly with me, I take him on holiday, out in the car, shopping, take him to the doctors, pick up medicine etc, I have 2 retired sisters who see him occasionally and do nothing else for him.I've asked to meet with them to discuss dad but they're not keen.
Dad is becoming more difficult, bad tempered, aggressive, telling all kinds of lies, and says some really nasty and hurtful things ---how selfish I am, as a daughter I've done nothing for him, he'll haunt me when he's dead, I can't be his daughter but must have been swapped at birth, and on and on and on.
I'm really coming to the end of my tether and don't know where to turn. Just had enough.
Hiya and welcome to the forum. Have you discussed your feelings with your GP and your dads GP?
Thanks for the welcome.
No I haven't discussed it with the Drs. We moved house in March so that Dad could have a downstairs toilet and we had to change Drs also, so I don't really know them. My last Dr wasn't really interested as Dad basically has his faculties and can shuffle around. Everyone thinks his marvellous for his age, but they don't live with him 24/7. Perhaps I am just selfish as he says.
Everyone used to think my Nan was "marvelous" for her age, little did they know the daily stresses and strains. New GP's can be very daunting, as can having to go over the same old same things with them, please try to discuss it with them. Also have you looked around to see if there is a carers group local to you, their information can be invaluable. In the meantime if you want a chat about your day and to "meet" other menbers pop onto roll call, it's in members corner and is our virtual chat over the garden fence.
I know eventually that I will have to talk about the situation. I have a medical review for myself coming up soon so I may raise it then.
I'll have look at roll call also, thanks
Welcome to the forum. Don't think you are alone, there are lots of us here, me included, who are caring for increasingly frail elderly parents. Everyone says how "sweet" my mum is. She never likes to "make a fuss" but when she wants something done, get's me to do her dirty work. Sometimes I think I'm turning into Attila the Hun!!! If you go to the top of the page, you will see a Help and Advice tab, click here and you'll find all sorts of information to help. Top of your list should be having a Carers Assessment for you, and a Needs Assessment for dad. Do you think he is developing signs of dementia? If so, be sure to mention this to the doctor. He might be entitled to Attendance Allowance, and also if he has more serious memory problems, he might not have to pay any Council Tax. You are not alone in having siblings unwilling to get involved - mine seldom visit mum then have the cheek to tell me what more I should be doing!!! I'm almost the same age as you. Whilst most people are winding down to retirement, we are working harder than ever before, and our bodies want to sit and rest in the evenings. I tire som much more quickly than I used to.
Thanks for the welcome and the advice. Dad receives the full attendance allowance but we haven't had a Carers or Needs assessment, I'll have a read thanks.
My sisters like your siblings are full of the things that I should be doing for dad, but won't get their hands dirty. Dad thinks they are wonderful and won't have a word said against them, and they always stick up for dad no matter what he does, even when he hits me or threatens me with a knife--- it's my fault he did it, never that he has a horrible short temper.
Threatens you with a knife?!?! That's so serious, you must mention that to his GP asap. Are you sure you are still safe?
Yes I'm ok. The knife was last year, i told my sisters and they decided not to talk to me for 5 months. He has a very short temper and says horrible things and just loses control and hits me. A few weeks ago he threw a hot container at me.
He told me tonight that by all accounts when I was at school I nearly broke the family up with my behaviour and sent my mom 'mad' all the family know about it except me!
Hitting you? Threatening you with a knife?? Throwing a hot container at you???
This really is serious stuff. Supposing he really injured you?
Please do not believe your family that it is your fault - there is NO reason why you should put up with this. You must tell some-one - and I dont mean your family. You must tell the GP what is happening.