[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Partner with brain injury - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Partner with brain injury

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I think Crocus we just get used to it, more than they are getting better. One specialist told me Rob would never get any better but not worse either! But I think he'd had relearnt lots of things over the years. The girls were 5 and 6, now 17 and 18 - oldest just doesn't get him and won't accept there's anything wrong, he is doing it all on purpose. Sophie the youngest on the other hand is brilliant with Rob and gives me a rest by watching tv for a hour or so (programmes she hates) as he will only watch what he wants on, we have tv's in every room so everyone can watch what they want, or Sophie will go out shopping with him. Sophie is off to Uni next year and I will miss her and her help a lot Image

Yeah if I explain to a friend they always say oh that's just like so and so. So yes I really get what you mean! They are nothing like so and so!!!!! I can deal with him being a child more than when he starts to think he is boss man - his extremes are so extreme! I am quiet person and introverted really so he does make me anxious at times which then doesn't help the situation. I have to keep focused and a bit professional reasoning working out strategies to get round life situations where everyone is happy and also knowing when to say no to invitations too. With the sleep difficulties we can't plan anything as don't know his tired I will be or Rob! Juggling and thinking of every detail. I have felt like the housekeeper for years now and sometimes long for a cuddle and a deep and meaningful conversation with a man. But like you I've had a part time job, just recently gave it up and walk the dog and do lots of gardening and try to appreciate all the things we have. After speaking to friends a lot of their marriages are not what they seem - they build facades on FB etc to hide what's really going on.

At least Rob can't tell lies and says it how it is - looking on the bright side. I really related to you saying that you just think they are relating to you and your getting somewhere and then puff it's gone Image - it's so heartbreaking, but thanks for telling me as you do begin to wonder - is it me or us it because he's gone off me and it knocks your confidence and breaks your heart. When really it's just normal with a head injury and that its just logical, you just have to think of it logically and move on to the next moment.

Enjoy your gardening - I love flowers and its been such a good year for blooms hasn't it?! Have a great weekend x
Yes, so true Susan...I lament the 'emotional' connection; someone to turn to when life gets a bit tough. It's the most difficult thing to come to terms with, because there is your husband stood in front of you, a bit worse for wear physically, but still there. You know that they can't offer you support in this most necessary way, but there are moments in each day where you forget and expect them to - then you end up getting frustrated and unless you stop that cycle from the start you just wear yourself out.

Crocus I also feel like a housekeeper, especially as I have just returned to the family home....glad to say now more habitable than 8 weeks ago!...I am project managing the work on the house, and making sure we keep on a tight budget, and for the moment I feel anxious, I think that's because we're back under the same roof. (Surely he wont set fire to our home a third time?) I had two years living in my own 'rented' home. Is it wrong to keep hoping for things to get better? Am I delusional?

My husband's brain injury was only confirmed in December 2012, and brought about because of an overdose of tramadol in March 2012, so I suppose I am getting used to his new way of computing, not to mention the mood swings he had before brain damage, and they were severe...almost unreal, bipolar is unforgiving at it's worst and at it's best you can get a lot of work done!! Image

I also relate to the subtlety of the illness, although my husband is quite markedly unsteady on his feet, can't figure out things as he once could, especially the precision things he once did, say such as in DIY; he can talk fairly well, slower, but to those that didn't know him before the injury they wouldn't think anything of this...there are times when even his language is impaired, and he gets confused and he doesn't answer, just using one word to respond. When you tell a third party you feel a bit of a fraud, because, as you both so rightly said, that third party just puts it down to it being a 'man thing'. I'm so glad you both mentioned that, because you begin to doubt yourself big time, and that is when we start to retreat, and I have done enough of that to last a life time, I'm only just learning to break that bad habit Image .

The other thing that does indeed break your heart, is when you feel things are a little better, and then just one thoughtless action or word, and whoosh, it's all gone. I have practiced 'detachment with love', whereas I used to practice trying to tell him where he was going wrong!!! the latter didn't work Image , and, if not tired, the former really does work, and you keep your sanity and serenity that bit longer.

I have got to go now, I'm also working in our overgrown garden today, thank you both for sharing your thoughts, it has helped me so much, enjoy your day. Take care and much love xxx