Hello
I’m new to this forum so please bear with me!
I was widowed 8.5 years ago and I cared for my dear husband for many years, but very intensively for the last 2.5 years of his life. I did this lovingly and willingly but it was very stressful at times - particularly when he became bed ridden and needed end of life /palliative care at home. I cared for him single handedly as neither of us wanted external carers.
After he died I was broken - I missed him so much and also I’d lost my whole identity and the purpose to life - both his presence and my role as his carer. Five years later at aged 62 and after a great deal of support and professional help, I began to want to live again.
In 2018 I met a lovely recently widowed man and began to feel alive again! In 2019 He moved in with me temporarily as his house was being refurbished. Then covid came and he stayed. His house now has a tenant.
He is retired and I still work 3 days per week. I’ve done the majority (99%) of day to day chores as his health isn’t good. However this is taking its toll on me and I’m now feeling very tired and resentful. I can also see that his health won’t improve and that by default I’ve become his carer.
After having cared for my dear husband and knowing what it entails, I don’t want to be a carer again. He has 2 children and I’ve asked him to be open with them about his health and caring needs but he hasn’t done that. Also it’s not something I can force him to do either.
So my dilemma is how to approach this as I firmly believe his family need to know the situation and to provide support as I can see that his needs will increase and there’s an assumption that I will pick up the caring and I don’t want to.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would really appreciate advice!
Sorry for such a long story!!
Pam xx
I’m new to this forum so please bear with me!
I was widowed 8.5 years ago and I cared for my dear husband for many years, but very intensively for the last 2.5 years of his life. I did this lovingly and willingly but it was very stressful at times - particularly when he became bed ridden and needed end of life /palliative care at home. I cared for him single handedly as neither of us wanted external carers.
After he died I was broken - I missed him so much and also I’d lost my whole identity and the purpose to life - both his presence and my role as his carer. Five years later at aged 62 and after a great deal of support and professional help, I began to want to live again.
In 2018 I met a lovely recently widowed man and began to feel alive again! In 2019 He moved in with me temporarily as his house was being refurbished. Then covid came and he stayed. His house now has a tenant.
He is retired and I still work 3 days per week. I’ve done the majority (99%) of day to day chores as his health isn’t good. However this is taking its toll on me and I’m now feeling very tired and resentful. I can also see that his health won’t improve and that by default I’ve become his carer.
After having cared for my dear husband and knowing what it entails, I don’t want to be a carer again. He has 2 children and I’ve asked him to be open with them about his health and caring needs but he hasn’t done that. Also it’s not something I can force him to do either.
So my dilemma is how to approach this as I firmly believe his family need to know the situation and to provide support as I can see that his needs will increase and there’s an assumption that I will pick up the caring and I don’t want to.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I would really appreciate advice!
Sorry for such a long story!!
Pam xx