[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Overnight hospital carer for dad with parkinsons - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Overnight hospital carer for dad with parkinsons

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Really awesome to get really nice kindness and support quite amazing really. The doctors asked dad if he wanted to live. I thought that was quite shocking. I mean I thought doctors were a posed to help people get better. Dad said "Yes" he knows we need him back asap-still very scary though.
Shaun, it sounds brutal to us, but doctors really need to hear the answer to this. For many patients, end-stage is something that brings them towards that 'letting go' point that we spoke of earlier. Sometimes, you see, the 'simple process' of KEEPING a very frail, very ill person alive is not 'gentle', and there are many sorry tales of the elderly suffering unnecessarily as life is scrupulously prolonged.

You are not in 'normal territory' any longer. This is not about your dad being 'a bit ill' and then 'going to hospital' where he gets 'treatment' and then 'gets better' and 'comes home' and 'everything goes back to normal'.

You are at the extremity of life, where the sea of death laps the shoreline of life - the waves may retreat, and leave the patient alive, or it may advance inexorably, little by little, like the tide coming in, quite unstoppable by human power, whether that is the power of the patient to resist it, or the doctors to treat it. Or, sometimes, a single 'advance wave' may sweep in, and carry off the patient before anyone expects it.

Death, it if is to come now, has its own timetable - you can't hurry it, you can't delay it. But the doctors DO need to know what the patient wants them to do. By saying 'yes, he wants to live' your dad has given the doctors the go ahead to do everything in their power to prolong life to the very max, whatever that takes.....

(I'm sure, though, that if your dad changes his mind, and is capable of expressing that wish clearly, the doctors will reverse that, and not 'interfere with Nature' as it takes its course.)

Do talk to any of the doctors on duty, and they will explain to you the moral and ethical protocols they HAVE to follow. Bear in mind that the converse of what your dad has chosen. Had he decided NO, he wanted Nature to take its course, the doctors actually would have been banned from 'interfreing' (ie, 'treating') him at all. That's why they have to be clear that yes, the patient DOES want 'maximum intervention to prolong life', or else THEY might be liable to prosecution themselves.

I hope that your hopes for your father, and his, are answered......
Shaun, there is a saying that I can never quite remember, about until it is your time nothing can slay you, when it is your time nothing can save you.
I have lost all four parents, brother, and husband. Death comes when the body simply cannot go on. You can only support dad on his journey, whatever the outcome, he knows you are there for him and love him. Hearing is one of the last senses to go, after major surgery I was totally immobile, couldn't speak as I was full of drugs, but my hearing was 100%, so talk to day about good things you did together, things you know he loved, holidays, music. Even if he doesn't respond, he will hear you, and be comforted.
BB, I think that saying comes via me. Somewhere along the line I read that the Arabs have a saying:

Until my hour comes, no man can slay me.
But WHEN my hour comes, no man can save me.

I find it comforting myself - I would hope you do too, Shaun.....

I absolutely second what BB is saying about telling your dad all the things you want him to know, and remembering the good times you and your family have had with him....
Can't be dad's time yet.......i stare outta the window hoping I'll wake up bad dream...
Oh, Shaun - all of us who have 'kept vigil' feel that.....

So so sad when those whom we love are taken before we want to wave them goodbye...

And, in a way, you know, that in itself is a 'blessing'.....for those of us who watch an elderly person fade 'inside' through the horrors of dementia, the reverse is actually true. There comes a point where we can only 'long' for them to leave this life...that it is unbearable to see them reduced to the pitiful condition that dementia reduces them to, and that we have 'lost' them already, as they, the person themselves, are no longer 'there' except as a shambling wreck of their physical body, their mind long, long gone.....

THAT is a vigil I would not wish on anyone either - 'waiting for them to FINALLY die'.....

So you see, in that respect, it is better that you are longing for your dad NOT to die.....
Dads fighting it. we can at least holdhis hand and tell him hes not alone. he belueves his spirit is stronger than illness and disability and that its not his time. he had bit porridge today... come on dad eat bit more ....
Does end of life alwsys mean end of life for all end of life patients.? nurses see bits improvements with dad -docyors not-who to believe...
Shaun, there are no answers to that one, Dad is having a struggle that only he can win or lose.
Plan for the worst, hope for the best, but you must accept that dad is very, very ill and his body may be too poorly to win this battle. Don't deny this is a possibility.
End of Life can be a very varied time range. Some health professionals will not declare someone to be end of life until the last few days. On the other end of the spectrum I carefor a client who has not got out of bed for 18 months and who has been classed end of life for over 2 years.