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newbie and struggling - Carers UK Forum

newbie and struggling

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Hi everyone, I'm not sure where to start or what to say..im Kelly I'm a mom to 3 kids im a nan to a 1 yr old granddaughter an been with my partner for 7 years...I feel like I suffocating then feel guilty for feeling like this :( I'm a carer to well everyone really my son is 10 he was diagnosed at 3 with autism then as the yrs went on lots of others things too, my daughter who is 12 after many yrs of assessments has also been diagnosed with autism however in the last 12 mths our world has been turned upside down she suffered a psychotic brake dwn she has lost the sight in one eye ( having tests to rule out other stuff and to chq brainwave activity and rule out tumour ) she is so depressed now been tld they suspect childhood schizophrenia :( ontop of this my partner who has been type 1 diabetic for 23 years is now having problems an is back and thorth to hospital ( his lost 4 stone in weight an can't keep his sugar stable) my eldest daughter has just left home with her daughter which has been for the best to start het own life but as a 18yr old single mom I obviously pay a big part in helping her....i just feel lost...so for the long post x
I'm not surprised you are struggling, Kelly, you are certainly caring for and supporting a lot of people. What support are you and your family currently receiving? Do you manage to grab any,"me," time at all during the week?

Thank you for your reply, truthfully I have no one I get no help with the kids no me time and if by some miracle I do have some me time I just end up sleeping. My daughter is with me 24hours a day 7"days a week she not in school she now sees me as her "security blanket" so I really don't get a minute without her ( gosh I sound awful I don't mean it to sound like I don't what to be with her) today everything has just hit me I Av never asked for help before but I struggling xx
Hi Kelly, welcome to the forum.
I'm not surprised you are struggling, but it's time to start getting more help. First, get Social Services to do a Needs Assessment for each of the children and then a Carer's Assessment for you. Then make sure you are claiming every single benefit they, and possibly you, are entitled to. CUK can help you with this, just email the helpline with details and they will get back to you.
Your daughter will cling onto you more and more, every day it will be harder and harder to get her to go to school, so I'm afraid some "Tough Love" may be called for. However, is her current school really suitable for her, given her problems?
There is an organisation called IPSEA who may be able to give you advice about the various options for school.
Your daughter with the baby must learn to fend for herself. Is she getting help from anywhere else? In my area there are Early Years Centres, which I believe give young single mums extra support. She got herself pregnant, she must deal with the consequences as much as possible. Set clear rules about what and when you do for her.
I don't know anything useful about your husband's diabetic problems, but others here may be able to help.
Do you have a dishwasher and tumble dryer to help you with the domestic chores? If you are on a limited budget then the Family Fund may be able to help.

you can't deal with all this yourself, you will go under. I suggest you request an assessment for you and your children, there is info on how here: http://www.carersuk.org/files/helpandad ... upport.pdf

As your daughter is currently out of school, she should be entitled to home education, a few hours a day. This is worth persuing as it gives her a change of face and someone else to build up a relationship with and ultimately you will gradually be able to withdraw whilst she is tutored and get a few minutes to yourself. Is her sight functional in her other eye?

Does you son attend any clubs? Does he has a learning disability too?

Re your daughter, it sounds good that she has moved out. She needs to build up her own support network so that you can be Nana but not her first port of call for help. Is she going to Mother and toddler groups etc?

I'm not sure how to reply individually so ill reply to both best as I can ( sorry this is all new to me) My daughter has only done 3 weeks in school since september last yr she became so ill the voices on her head where telling here to kill herself that her friends weren't her friends she then wrote a list of the people that talk to each other ( in her head) and that she had to hang herself, I had some one come out from the education place who agreed she cant go to mainstream and that there is a place she can go but not untill September this year. I now pay for her to do work online. She only last week said she had to fight with her body not to open the car door and jump out as her brain told her too. I'm now bk to helping bath her sorting clothes hair teeth the day to day basics, I'm losing a bit of her every day and it breaks my heart. I just don't no how to deal with these things. I have just sent forms off for dla for her.... My son has been doin so well he really shocks me every day with all his day to day struggles he just takes I in his stride, we have a very good routine with him which has become our "normal" bit I now feel I'm letting him den, i looked for clubs for him to go to but I struggle as only I can take him then my daughter won't leave the house I just go round in circles x so sorry for the long posts I've never spoke about all this before x
Kelly, don't worry, we should be able to help a bit. If you have the Carers and Needs Assessments, then include transport to and from the clubs as part of your "Wish List".
Why do you have to pay for her to work online? Surely Education should be funding that?
I didn't no that, I get carers for my son so would I be able to get help getting him to the clubs ? I have had no help with my daughter regarding schooling I wouldn't even know where to start with it all x
Ask for the assessments to be done by Social Services URGENTLY, explain that you have serious problems.
Google IPSEA for specialist information about education. I had a battle with my council for over a year, to get my son the education he needed. IPSEA were wonderful, told me what to write, who to, etc. In the end they enabled my son to have 10 years at the very best special school in the area, with transport to and from every day.
I'll have a look now, thank you x