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OMG!!! - Carers UK Forum


Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am new to this group, and am joining it at an all time low......I care full time for my disabled parents aged 89...........at present they are both in hospital.......Dad is off his legs again, still messing himself (which is a regular thing) and is all but oblivious to what is going on around him.......Mum has had a 2nd heart attack and just sits in bed, wetting herself, refusing to eat and doesn't remember anything for longer than 20 seconds. There is already talk of discharge, but there is no way I can cope with them both in this state, and I hate seeing them like it. If either of them was a cat or a dog, they would have been put out of their misery ages ago......but with people, they keep them alive to exist (not live) regardless of quality of life. To add to it all, my cat is dying, the weather is vile and I can't get the dog out for a decent walk.......I am so depressed and tears are constantly lurking in the background........I have hit the bottle already today in a feeble attempt to numb my pain. Sorry to be such a misery guts, but I'm just telling it how it is.
Hi and welcome, Vix.

Oh, my. You've got it very rough. :( I'm not in the UK so I don't know what help might be available, but surely some must be. Someone will pop on here soon who can advise you.

In the meantime, know that you're with fellow carers who understand.
neither parent can be discharged until an assessment has been done of their needs and whom going to provide it. Read all the information on this link below

http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice ... f-hospital

I went through similar in Jan/Feb for my dad, and as a result of me saying NO, a care package was put in place of 4 visits per day. I still do most tasks but this has made things easier. I was already caring , plus working and was ready to crack. Taking on more would have been that step too far.

Ask to speak to social worker in hospital, also occupational therapist as there may be equipment needed.

x x
Hi Vix and welcome,

What an impossible situation. Great advice from Rosemary.

Hi Vix and welcome from a newbie :)
hi ,welcome to the forum,sorry your situation is so difficult at the moment.
Welcome. I've just been through a similar process. Ask for a continuing healthcare assessment, you should be fully involved. I'm using a tablet, can't do a detailed answe

make it clear that you WILL NOT accept anyone back home without an assessment.

Welcome, you've come to the right place for help and support from others who understand.

OMG indeed - your situation sounds pretty horrendous, by anyone's standards! It sounds like things have reached crisis point and one way or another things are going to change soon.

BB's advice is spot on. Do not allow the medics to discharge your parents until a thorough assessment of their needs has been done. The hospital may well start to pressure you to take them home before this has been done, as they are always under pressure to release beds for other patients. Make it clear that you are unable to cope with their increased needs and that at the very least you will need a full care package to support each of them, along with all the equipment that may be required.

Nobody can force you to carry on providing the physical care for your parents - you have the right to draw a line in the sand and say that you've reached your limit and can do no more.

I totally agree that in some respects animals get a better deal than people, when they approach the end stage of living. I hope that things change for the better, soon, one way or another.
Hi Vix. In addition to everything everyone else has also said, it sounds like it might be worth you going to see your GP as it wouldn't be at all surprising if you are suffering from depression at the moment. Also , is there a local carers support service in your area - as they are a good source of practical help, advice re other services in the area, and counselling or befriending. Thinking of you xx