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Carers UK Forum • Not sure where to start
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Not sure where to start

Posted: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:52 am
by Christie_2201
Hello,

My husband and i have been married for almost 7 years, together for 11 and he has suffered with a bad back for years as a result of moving a fruit machine, had operations, steriods injected, more recently had broken his tib and fib and has a rod and pins in his leg, plus a bowel that cannt process things normally so is forever on laxatives but strong pain meds which dont work as they should won't help that.

Aa his carer, which i guess i am, it does get me some days, he has home aids for the toilet and kitchen, he can't even hug me properly as standing in one position like that is too painful, never mind proper intimacy, its reached the point in the past where i have spoken to other men in my past who i have been friends with for years to make me feel a little better and a sense of normality, one went a little closer than it should and my hubby found out, i realised i was wrong but then he wasn't to blame either. loginjet.net

Sometimes its so hard going from day to day with no intimacy, hardly sharing a bed as one will disturb the other, i tend to toss and turn which doesnt help, i just miss the old us i guess, we talk constantly so thats not the issue but theres no touchy feely as his ability to want any kind of intamacy has gone with the meds he takes, just needed to get it written down i guess but it would be good to know that im not alone...

Re: Not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2022 9:04 pm
by bowlingbun
Christie, I understand.
When I was 54, I found my husband dead in bed. He was 58. We married when I was 19, we did everything together, in later years we ran a business from home together. Often we fell asleep holding hands. I have no answers, just understanding. No one to touch me, hold me, is so difficult to adjust to.

Re: Not sure where to start

Posted: Wed Jan 12, 2022 9:29 pm
by Pet66
Christie
I understand too.
I lost my husband to vascular dementia and strokes with other health issues.
I often have to look away from couples holding hands, just being a couple. I don't resent them but wish I was in their band.
Hubby used to give me a peck on the cheek if I was down. Always made me feel better.
You are not alone with your feelings.
You are grieving for what you once had.