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Hi Ron here, caring for wife with liver disease. - Carers UK Forum

Hi Ron here, caring for wife with liver disease.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi Ron here 67 years old, been looking after my wife for about five years who has chronic liver disease plus other ailments which has gradually progress to the present stage where she now has chronic fatigue all the time with severe hand tremors and mental deterioration issues, which means she needs assistance in all areas.I sometimes feel I am caring for a 90 year old not someone who is 62.
This was not how I envisage my retirement, do I like doing it?, no I hate it, do I resent doing it?, yes I do, if I could dump it on someone else would I ?, yes I would, do I feel fed up, depressed, angry,and trapped?, yes I do. So why do I continue to do it, to be honest I don't know, most likely out of love, duty and commitment.
What makes it so hard for me and this might sound cruel, is not knowing when it will end, I don't feel that my wife has any real quality of life spending all day in bed in a restless state while enduring various levels of pain and demanding care when she wants its but seems oblivious to any needs that I might have.
hi Ron, welcome to the forum. You will find many people on here to chat, rant, laugh with and hopefully because of this make you feel just a little bit better.

Just to say, i completely understand what you have said, you sound like you have just had enough of this caring business, its so unfair.
Hi Ron,
I don't know if you've ever read the book 'The Selfish Pig's Guide to Caring' but you'd find you are not alone. I think I read somewhere that most carers feel trapped as caring seems to be something we end up doing because of circumstance and not as a deliberate 'career' choice.
It reminds me of the old joke 'How do you make God laugh' ? .... tell him your plans'.

I hope you find posting here a source of support. It has definitely been that for me.

Scruffy x
Hi Ron and welcome
So why do I continue to do it, to be honest I don't know, most likely out of love, duty and commitment.
Yes, thats it. Thats why we all do it Image
Some days its very hard, and yes I understand about not knowing how long it will go on for. My hubby is 58 and could survive for another 20 + years. I think its best not to go there and just concentrate on caring now.

xx
Hi Ron - I can fully understand where you are coming from and I have not been caring for long. I find this forum does help to have a rant or a moan as we all understand and that helps a lot at times.
I too wish I had a crystal ball. It's a vry difficult situation to find yourself in but we do it because we care and maybe could not cope with the alternative either. I have had to become a bit more selfish of late and say NO to people. I am a bit of a people pleaser and inthe past would never dream of saying no. But now I do as it is important we all have time for ourselves as I find it keeps me going,
Best wishes to you and your wife.
Hi Ron and welcome Image
Ron I so know how you feel, as I am sure so do many many others in this forum. I can't offer much advice as I don't know what the hell to do myself. At the moment I just want to walk out of the front door and disappear. I am caring for my father and now my husband and I are falling out about it. I have spent the evening listening to how I am doing it all wrong. I have had a houseful of district nurses and god knows what, havent had time to cook any dinner or anything. Husband now asleep on settee having consumed a bottle of wine, I have had a few glasses but I can't go to sleep can I? Having to wait to settle father into bed, and he won't do anything he knows he is supposed to do. Our house sale fell through today, so no light at the end of a tunnel any more. Will ring carers direct tomorrow but can't see they can be much help.

My friends have been pretty good really and as supportive as they can be, but at the end of the day they have their own lives, and they need to get on and I cannot contribute to that any more.

Hey ho, when will it end? And when it does I will probably feel guilty about that!
Melanie - I could have written that myself. I don't want to hijack Ron's post but I can completely relate to what you say.
Husbands - moaning - alcohol- resentment - walking out the door - guilt - sadness - happiness - roller coaster xx
Hi Ron
Welcome Image
All I can say is that I agree with Crocus. Just concentrate on the now.
This is a great place to find support.
take care x
Hi Ron,

I care for my 93 year old Father - I know how you feel. I didn't plan it to be this way either. I should be living a new life in Canada by now.
This is a great place for a moan. No one understands the trials of caring better than a carer.