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Not coping with caring - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Not coping with caring

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I use Sainsbury's. No problems. You can ask for substitutes or not. Anything you don't feel happy with the driver will take it back and refund.
AnimalLover wrote:
Thu Nov 01, 2018 4:57 pm
Hello!
I didn't realise anyone had answered my post. Thank you.

My husband is 68. He has had to apply for PIP, having been on DLA for a long time. Yes, he's over retirement age, but the rules are the rules, they say. I pointed this out to the DWP - the fact that he's over retirement age - but they didn't know what I was talking about.

He's just been diagnosed with Parkinson's, (think I said this) but that's not his only issue. He is weak and spends the day, as someone said, lying down and moping. He suffers from nausea, as yet undiagnosed despite all the tests in the world. The Parkinson's medication (started a week ago) seems to have awful side-effects that make his primary symptoms worse. He also has heart problems (atrial fibrillation), type 2 diabetes (recent diagnosis), psoriatic arthritis. Because he wasn't eating for a long time (because of the nausea), he's lost a lot of weight. But now he does eat a bit and even gets hungry at times.

He wants me to be there because he wants me to be there, if that makes sense. He doesn't want to be alone, so I've had to make compromises with various activities that I don't want to give up. However, this evening I wanted to go to the cinema for a live theatre broadcast, and he begged me not to do. I feel really upset and angry. Am I being selfish? As for needs vs wants - he says 'I can't do this'; I reply 'yes you can'; and very often he does it.

He's depressed and anxious. The GP booked him a counselling session but he cancelled it. He won't invite friends over, just depends on me - I hate playing a game of 'yes, but', but it seems that I've already thought of things others suggest and he shoots them down.

I think online shopping is a brilliant idea. Do most people use Ocado? Does anyone use Sainsbury's? He's vegetarian (I'm vegan) so we have to shop somewhere that caters for us. I only say Sainsbury's because my cats are used to their kitty litter.

Thank you for being there.
Leni
Sorry I'm late to the party but I saw you mentioned Sainsbury, being Veggie and Vegan, I'm allergic to cows dairy {acute asthma} and use Sainsbury online mostly. I can save my trolley so don't need to worry about losing a list I can add to it until I'm ready to order but most important of all their freefrom range is amazing. Lot's of important treats like chocolate which on a bad day is very needed. Moo Free is sold in Sainsbury and is vegan but they do their own brands too. Most importantly unlike some branded Vegan products there is NO trace of milk and it is NOT produced on the same production line as milk products so there is no contamination or trace elements.

I would also highly praise their delivery drivers. I had to go and get a prescription and of course they came whilst I was out...they waited and when I came back he insisted I sorted the medication and administered the first dose, had popped the kettle on and put away my chilled and frozen products for me whilst I did the medication. I can honestly say he made my day and I made sure Sainsbury knew what a godsend he was. Their in-store staff are good too, I'm deaf and the lady realised on the checkout, she closed her till behind me and took her time serving me...I was so grateful that is something I have never had in any other store.

For the most part substitutes are not an issue and you can create a dietary profile which will alert you if you add a product to your basket which contains something you cannot have. This also helps them when choosing substitutes.

Really hope you get on okay with online shopping.

As for the yes but game...I'm learning to say I'm not here to do it for you I'm here to help you do it, obviously if there is something they cannot do I do do it, but without some independence however small I feel it takes away all their self esteem which can cause further problems of won't try because they think they can't rather than know they can't.

Sorry for rambling and sorry for bestowing the virtues of sainsbury on you.
Thanks! i like 'I'm here to help you do it, not do it for you'.
Yes, I'll do that. Somewhere it says people born after a certain date in 1950 have to apply for PIP. Can't find chapter and verse right now but it seems ridiculous to me that they're making a 68-year-old apply for this awful benefit. When I spoke to the independent assessor on the phone and patiently tried to point out the date discrepancy, he said that since he was on DLA he's eligible to apply for PIP. We just went round in circles in our conversation. I think they answer from a prepared script. I will now ask the advice service. I'm so glad I found this forum.
Just to go back to the diagnosis. Are they sure it's Parkinson's? I hope that is not a 'diagnosis by default' (eg, like Irritible Bowel Syndrome which should only be diagnosed if everything else is ruled out!) (ie, shouldn't be 'assumed)....

Has he had a head scan? All 'head problems' should have a scan, just in case.