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Not been here for a while. - Carers UK Forum

Not been here for a while.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi everyone,
I haven't been on the forums for quite a while,just posted over the past couple of days.
I guess you could say I have been overwhelmed by everything over the past few months.
I have cared for my wife for 27 years,she has chronic pain,nerve damage,stomach problems.
About 12 years ago my daughters health took a turn for the worse,she suffers from bone dislocations due to hypermobility,now her depression and anxiety has reached a very bad level too.
My father in law was very ill so I was offering support there too but he died six weeks ago.
I have held down a job still and looked after the house.
Two weeks ago I was signed off with exhaustion,did not see it coming but I have learnt from it.
I have a carers assessment soon and other help is in the pipeline.
Worse thing for me has not having people to talk to who understand what's its like to be a carer.
That's why I am here.
Even just knowing there are people who understand is a big help to me.
I empathise with your situation as I'm the carer for my wife, who is disabled following spinal surgery and suffers chronic severe pain, whilst working full time. I'm currently on a phased return to work after two months off with stress due to workload and caring responsibilities. Use the time off to rest and to try and get things in place to help you cope; I'm pleased to see that you're getting a Carer's Assessment.

I found that it takes reaching crisis to find out what help is available.
Hi York and welcome back.
My condolences for your loss...

I can relate to your situation with regards to your daughter, as I care for my son who also suffers with depression and anxiety, which when its bad is heartbreaking to see and get through. He also has other medical illness' that impinge on his daily living.
But at this moment he is doing ok. He has been up and down before with depression,and so I am fully aware these moments may not be permanent, but I am always grateful for these better times which make them all the more precious.
I also have my own health conditions to deal with and at times its very difficult to manage. I understand how it can be very overwhelming when there is so much to contend with.
It is easy to neglect your own health when you have so many responsibilities, but you do have to take care of yourself for 'everyone's sake' and I too know that is sometimes easier said than done.
I'm glad you have managed to plan for some help,it sounds as though it will make a lot of positive difference, and I hope you get all the support you deserve.
You're doing a fantastic job!
Like you, I have felt the need for someone to talk to who understands what its like, I think you will find comfort using this site, as I have.
Sincere best wishes xxx
Welcome back, hopefully you are going to get some of the help needed, it sounds like you have had an awful lot to cope with. x x
Hi York, your situation sounds very stressful. I hope the support volumes quickly and makes a difference.

I have just re joined and I quite understand where you are coming from.
I have been a carer for over 50 years now (my husband has MS) .
I have found that over the years the support we get from the Statutory services is getting less and less and at the same time our needs are increasing.
I set up carers group at our D'rs Practice with the help of a lovely lady who volunteered to help.
The group has been running now for seven years and the majority of the carers have become friends. We understand where everyone is coming from and we learn from one and another. The meetings are fun and enjoyable and one of the carers (a man) makes cakes for us to have with our cup of tea.
We do not sit and bemoan our situations but if someone is having a bad time the support from the other members is invaluable.
We arrange speakers on topics such as safe handling,nutrition,,stress relief etc The topics are chosen by the group . I have been lucky enough to get funding from local charities who have been very generous.
So the meetings are free of charge though I do put out a donation box so that we have funds to keep our supply of tea etc going and I have just started giving our cake maker money to cover the cost of the cake ingredients.
Sadly some of our carers have lost the person who they cared for but we still welcome them because their knowledge and expertise they gained is very useful especially for those new to caring.
I would recommend joining a carers group and if there isn't one near you how about setting one up? I initially had the support of the Patients Participation group at our G P 's practice and Carers Bucks.We became independent and self sufficient very quickly,but recently we have asked for Carers Bucks to take us over because my colleague has moved away and I am now in my seventies so need the reassurance of having some help when its needed.I remain heavily involved however and will do so for as long as I can.