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Not a carer, not yet a sandwich - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Not a carer, not yet a sandwich

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I know I should think about the future, but for some reason I'm postponing this.


My toothache analogy ... painkillers only provide a temporary respite ... a visit to the dentist is almost inevitable ?
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Tue May 21, 2019 11:37 am
The forthcoming Green Paper won't be !
Chris, won't be what? Unfair?
Your sure?
As sure as I would ever be ... having been involved in the last back in 2008 - 2009 ... as part of the CarerWatch group.

As posted on the main thread , no CarerWatch around this time ... nor ANY of the individuals from our supporting organisations
... for the new kids on the block , an urgent perusal of the archives will be needed for them to fully comprehend just what's
at stake here ... for the carers of 2019 , and for those yet to join our ranks over the next decade and more.

However , a very rare beam of sunshine ... posted yesterday :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... ?start=110
Chris From The Gulag wrote:
Mon May 27, 2019 10:16 am
I know I should think about the future, but for some reason I'm postponing this.


My toothache analogy ... painkillers only provide a temporary respite ... a visit to the dentist is almost inevitable ?
You are totally right... I have to get myself together and sort out all the paperwork and all that legal crap. Thanks for bringing this up!
Not too many painkillers , mind ... ?
Hi, it's me again. A lot have changed since may, unfortunately for the worst. My mum has suffered a massive stroke, her left side is paralysed, she also has memory problems and cannot see properly. Because of that I've become her 24 hour carer.

I can manage all the physical symptoms, but I'm really struggling with the behavioural stuff. She changed a lot. Screaming became the norm, she is impulsive and aggressive. I'm tired and frustrated. Don't know what to do.
Evie, I've just replied to your other post, maybe the mods can merge the two? Some fo the info you've already given us.
If you could answer the questions about discharge, it would help.
If you have a mobile phone, try to record mum's behaviour. It's the easiest way of getting the medical profession to understand what is going on at home.
Contact Social Services and ask for an urgent needs update. You CANNOT be forced to care.
If it's getting too bad, ask for "Emergency Respite Care" or dial 999. She may not be admitted to hospital, but this should "fast track" some action.
Hey Evie

it sounds tough. If you are caring 24/7 this is too much for one person. Particularly if your Mum has challenging behaviour. No one can care for another person around the clock for any length of time.

Have you had a social services needs assessment recently? If needs have changed you should be entitled to one urgently. Call your local social services department and ask to speak to duty social worker and say you are at breaking point.

Also see if you can get your own GP onside. Make an appointment and explain to them how stressed and run down you are. Is your GP the same as your Mum's?

What would you like to happen? Be honest, we won't judge? Would you like help coming in or would you prefer your Mum go into a care home? If the latter you might have to get tough and say that you can no longer care for her. A couple of weeks respite care in a care home for your Mum might be worth considering for now so you can rest and consider what you want to happen going forwards? Again you may have to push for this and say you are at your wits end. But social services should be able to organise this.
Evie
Sad to hear you are having such a tough time.
Definitely get a needs assessment, as advised by others.
Strokes can cause aggressive behaviour, especially if the front lobe is affected. Also delirium may be the cause. These things and others definitely checking. I never say lightly about the need for a care/ nursing home. However you may have to consider that option, as needs and wants are not the same.
Take care of yourself. That's a need!
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Dec 06, 2019 10:17 am
If you could answer the questions about discharge, it would help.
Thank You so much for reply. I don't blame the doctors, because the aggressive behaviour started at home. At hospital she was sedated most of the time, but I just can't bring myself to do it at home. I would like to try something else, don't know what. I have to do my research.

Yes, I know I can't be forced to take care of my mother. But for now it's the only option. I'm struggling financially, also I don't want to leave her. The thought of it just breaks my heart. I hope you understand.