Newby sharing her story

[Christina_1812]

Hello -it’s been quite a while since I posted on here. From my first post it was about caring for my husband who is severely disabled.
Since then things have taken a turn for the worse. He has been diagnosed with high grade Neuroendocrine Carcinoma - a rare & aggressive Cancer. He is receiving end of life palliative care in a care home. It quickly became impossible to look after him even with care coming into the home. His 2 children who live in Australia & the USA came over a few weeks ago to see him & during that time we as a family decided with professional support that he needed 24 hour care.

Having them both to stay for nearly 3 weeks has taken its toll on me - I’m emotionally exhausted. Once they had left I felt a weight had lifted off my shoulders.

My step daughter from Australia is coming over again & staying indefinitely. Prior to her saying she was coming over, I had a conversation with my step son about how I was feeling & would they mind if they stayed either with their cousin who is always wanting them for to stay or get an air b&b so they could have space of their own. Step son understands. Step daughter doesn’t and is very hurt that she can’t stay in her fathers house ( the house belongs to both of us & is our home). Tricky.

She is incredibly untidy & treats our home with total disregard as how we like to live - with respect.

I have tried to explain to her my position in this awful situation, but it will take time , if ever for her to understand that I need my space to grieve for my dying husband, & to gather strength for the weeks/ months ahead.
Am I being unreasonable?

I know I couldn’t have my own children staying long either!!

If anyone has been in this position &/or has some advice I would love to hear from you.

Thinking of you all

Christina

[D_1706]

How long is it since she last visited? Maybe she's grown up a bit since then? Sometimes these horrible circumstances can bring the most unlikely family members together and make them behave better towards each other. Make sure she understands what you've just explained about needing your own space to grieve and then just treat her politely but coldly if she doesn't accept gracefully and don't let it get to you.

[bowlingbun]

Christina,

I know things can be difficult with second marriages, but this girl has NO RIGHT whatsoever under ANY circumstances to stay with you.

I wouldn't worry if she doesn't like it, tough.

On a practical front, I hope you have got NHS Continuing Healthcare funding?

If there is anything at all you think we can help you with, just say. It's a truly horrible situation.

[Chris From The Gulag]

CHC / NHS Continuing Healthcare ?

Main thread :

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... read-35998

[Christina_1812]

Thank you for your replies. It’s great comfort that I’m not being unreasonable.
My step daughter was here about a fortnight ago & is returning in about 10 days, so little time for her to ‘ grow up’ - she’s has always been a difficult ‘child’ to her parents & I suspect she will always be so.

I will try not to to let it get to me - a sensitive soul that I am needs to toughen up!.
Thank you once again - I appreciate your support so much.

Best wishes
Christina