Thanks everyone for your replies!! - You've all made me smile & feel a bit less stressed tonight
With the diversionary tactics/keeping mum's interest focussed on other things - any suggestions for how to do that?? lol
We're waiting for our assessments from social services. Mum's had at least one in the past & has a morning carer every day. - She's had this for t least 5years (I think) - she's had lots of health problems
We took delivery of a new bed for her this week from (I think) SS, which raises up & down, meaning her evening care routine (which I mainly do) is going to be easier because I won't be straining my back so much
It's just so difficult to think straight at the moment & by the time I get home after about 12hour day (I'm a nursery nurse btw, so I have repetition all day at work from the children & then all night from mum lol), eat & relax, it's then time to sort mum out for bed so I can go to bed too & not be too tired.
She's going away for nearly 2 weeks next week though, to stay with one of her daughters, which will give me & Andy some time to talk at a decent hour of the day & do some sorting out & get things more in perspective.
I did wonder about us talking to the GP about her care, but wasn't 100% sure on if we would be "allowed" to because of confidentiality, but Andy spoke with one of them about something to do with mum the other day, so it must be OK lol. - The Drs have been great though, because they know both of us, as well as Mum & Dad, & have really pulled the stops out to help us out recently
I've just changed midwives, because of moving in with mum, but new one is aware of extra stresses & our money problems atm, & she's given me info about free milk/fruit & veg vouchers etc.
I think, because the 2 of us are so exhausted from Dad's COMPLETELY unexpected death, once mum goes away, we'll hopefully be able to grieve a bit more "properly" for him by ourselves, which will hopefully make things easier to think through & order.
Hopefully we'll also be able to unpack a bit more & start getting more of an idea of how we're going to have the nursery etc, which will help - as these 2 weeks could be the only time we have without mum around before baby comes.
And (for the nosy ones - which is cool) we don't know what we're having yet - am only 18 weeks, but we've also decided not to find out & have a surprise, but it's all going really well actually - I've only been sick once, but that was about 9pm at night & we think was more becuse we had a really fatty dinner, rather than pregnancy-related
Lots of twinges to get used to, too - but started getting flutters a couple of weeks ago & felt the first few kicks on Monday night (at 12.30am, when we went to bed & had to be up at like 5.30am Tuesday morning... &, of COURSE it then wouldn't stop!!!)
lol - It was like it was saying 'hee hee - I pocked mummy!! hee hee - I did it again!!' dunno how long it went on for: luckily I managed to fall asleep
(& not be late for work the next day
Thanks for all your suggestions & kind words! I know we're not on our own (I was a child carer for my Dad - from the ages of 10-15 ish) & my grandma lived with us for 2 years - & had alzheimers, so I know we're not on our own, & I regularly speak to my mum & dad for reassurance & advice on how to deal with various things. Luckily for my parents though, because they knew grandma had a disease & that's why she was repetitious & abusive towards them/us, they could let it go, because they knew it wasn't her (& they'd already "said goodbye" when she stopped 'being grandma') - because mum isn't diagnosed with any sort of 'mental disease' we can't 'let it go' so easily, because we don't know it is because of that. Also, when my parents were dealing with grandma, they we in their 50s - I'm 25 & my husband is 46. - Oh, & at the back of both our minds is the fact that my step son, who now lives in America, has been back to England twice since moving out there 3 years ago, & both times, someone has died
- His mum's mum, of cancer, the first time, & now his dad's dad of DVT/PE.
We're both christians (me, active), so we do have lots of support from them, but everyone else has lots of other things they're thinking about & some people don't quite "get it" (I'm very lucky though, as one lady from church who I get on with really well, has been going through similar problems with her mum for years, so I'm able to get lots of advice off her - & we can both also unload a bit onto each other).