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Carers UK Forum • Newbie & we don't know what to do - Page 2
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Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 8:08 am
by bowlingbun
I think you should have a heart to heart with the GP first, then get your husband to go and see him. Your workload sounds impossible, especially as you are pregnant too. When does your maternity leave start? You really must try and take a break.

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:32 am
by Guest
I think that mentioning to your husband that you have come across some unused anti-depressants in a nonconfrontational way is probably the best way to deal with the issue, there may be a perfectly rational reason why he has not used them. Relationships are based on trust and, whilst you may feel that he has breached this trust over his medication, and without discussing it with him you will not know whether this is the case, breaching his by talking to his GP without his knowledge is simply compounding the problem.

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:20 pm
by Myrtle
I'd talk to him first and see if he'll tell you why he hasn't taken them. Have you noticed any difference in him, as you could use this as a starting point. If he's been better, those pills seem to be working. If he's seemed the same or more depressed, they don't seem to be working. Either way, get talking before you mention that he hasn't been taking them and asking why not.
Then you could go to see the gp together.

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:18 pm
by crocus
Poor you (and hubby) - so many changes in your life
Your hubbies Dad dying so unexpectedly, the immanent arrival of a child, caring for someone with memory problems, and do I understand that you have moved too? Image
Im not surprised that your hubby has become so depressed - Im just amazed that you havent either Image
I would talk to him ( non-confrontationally) about not taking anti-depressants. If you are both Christians then he may feel that he shouldnt need to take things for depression, that its a sign of weakness. Actually, its an illness just like any other - he wouldnt not take antibiotics Ill bet Image

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 7:42 pm
by Missy87
Hi guys
Well, I managed to speak to him earlier & just said, I'm not having a go, but when I was looking for mums pain killers yesterday, I found a prescription bag - thought it was mums other eye drops, but it was your anti ds - he said yeah I kno - I asked why he's not been taking them, coz he'd said he was & he said, I don't really want to take something that's going to make me feel worse than I do already - he did say the dr last week said he does need to take them. I spoke with a friend who has had depression for years & she said the 'feeling worse' symptoms don't last forever - maybe speak to the dr & ask how long they might last for - & he agreed. He's said he'll start taking them. Told him he needs to speak to me, coz I can't help him if he doesn't talk to me.

Crocus: he calls himself a Christian, but I'm the active Christian lol (go to church etc).

Feels a bit more like we (or at least I) can cope a bit more - spoke to social services about our careers assessments & have got information that someone in the family has apparently been trying to get for about the last 4 months, in one 10 minute phone call??!!!!???? - its so annoying when people don't pull their finger out!! Lol

I think I've only managed to 'not have depression' coz I won't give into it & someone's got to keep everyone together. Plus, I can't afford the time off work & I think I would be much worse if I sat at home on sick leave lol. - I've got great friends, church family, and relatives, so I've got PLENTY of outlets to let off steam etc

Hannah x

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2012 11:54 pm
by Myrtle
I'm so glad you managed to talk and sort it out Image
Just hope you can find the answer....together.

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 5:35 am
by bowlingbun
Your husband is ultimately responsible for his own health; you are responsible not only for yours, and that of your unborn child. Doing things together is the ideal, but if he won't, is doing nothing in your baby's best interests? If your husband's illness is increasing your workload even further, then your GP needs to know what you are having to do, so he can help you and the baby. He might be able to fastrack the Social Services assessments, for example.

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 6:47 am
by Guest
I'm so glad you managed to talk and sort it out Image
Just hope you can find the answer....together.
I too am so pleased that you have been able to discuss this with your husband and together find a way of dealing with the problem Image .

I think that it is worth pointing out that, whilst carers, family members can describe issues surrounding their caring role which relate to other family members, including those for whom they care, professionals have a duty of confidentiality towards their patients/clients and only with the express permission of the client/patient, usually in writing, can they be discussed with specified third parties, even sharing information between services requires the patient's/client's informed, normally written, consent.

The circumstances where this does not apply are very limited and if they do not pertain it would be wrong to assume or expect that professionals will be willing to discuss the care and treatment of those for whom we care or other close family members, to do so would be a breach of their duty of confidentiality and to attempt to get them to do so could lead to a breakdown in the professional relationship.

[Edited to avoid confusion.]

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:29 am
by bowlingbun
"Confidentiality" means that a GP cannot share information about another patient, without his/her consent. He should always be prepared to listen to a patient's concerns and worries about anything which could affect their own health, which is different. So if your husband won't go to the GP himself, you can always say "I'm very worried about X because he's doing Y which means that I'm left to do everything and I'm shattered."

Re: Newbie & we don't know what to do

Posted: Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:38 am
by Guest
I think that you will find that the issue of talking about problems which arise from difficulties involving third parties been made:
I think that it is worth pointing out that, whilst carers, family members can discuss issues surrounding their caring role which relate to other family members, including those for whom they care, professionals have a duty of confidentiality towards their patients/clients and only with the express permission of the client/patient, usually in writing, can they be discussed with specified third parties, even sharing information between services requires the patient's/client's informed, normally written, consent.
Maybe I should replace the words: "discuss issues" with "describe issues" which would be more accurate, I will edit it so that it causes no further confusion.

And discussing a patient with a third party does actually come under the duty of confidentiality, a professional can listen but not comment without risking breaching that duty.