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Newbie - Parents who need care but don't want to acknowledge - Carers UK Forum

Newbie - Parents who need care but don't want to acknowledge

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Hi,

My father is 80 in December and does not take any medicine at all. He is physically mobile but has to wear hearing aids. With my limited knowledge, i hesitate to diagnose things but he does seem more and more to be in a world of his own.

My mother is 76 and struggles with getting around their 1970s semi. She is on about 12 or 13 different tablets, worries "for England" and consequently doesn't sleep well.

My mum wants my father to go to the doctors because he keeps "forgetting things" (her words) but he flatly refuses.

I want to take my mum to the doctors to review what tablets she is on and suggest a home assessment for them but she refuses for that.

Any ideas, or just wait until there is a crisis ?
Hello and Welcome Image
Could the doctor be persuaded to do a home visit to look at mum and then make an assessment of dad while he's there? All four of our parents tried the "ignore it and it will go away" principle - but kept calling us to the extent where we nicknamed ourselves the "Thunderbirds"! It all ended very, very badly. I was diagnosed with a life threatening illness, and soon after my FIL died, at the age of 86, my lovely husband, at only 58. I'm sure the pressure we both felt was a major contributory factor. If you feel it's all getting too much, then the only solutions is to say, "I'm sorry, I just can't do this any more." Mum refused outside care for 25 years, but now happily has carers 3 times a day.
Hello,

Just to wish you a warm welcome to the Forum.

I too am part of carer for stubborn elderly club. My mum refused to go to the GP but I eventually wrote to the GP behind her back and then we decided that she needed a flu jab and review of her medication and whilst there .... Maybe you could speak to her GP and see how cooperative he is?

As for carers, my mum has accepted them very very reluctantly. Maybe GP first and then mention of a "home help".

Anyway, welcome and whatever happens, you are amongst people who will understand Image
Hi there,

A warm welcome from me too! My advice would be to try to have a quiet word with the GP or perhaps if your surgery has one, the District Matron. Explain the situation to them - I'm sure you won't be the first one that has had concerns and whose parents aren't acknowledging their need for help.

Good luck!

Bell x
And a welcome from me, too. The "have a quiet word with the gp" option does seem the best. Good luck.
Phoebe x