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- Member
Sun Oct 02, 2011 2:01 pm
Hi, my first time on this site -
I'm Jane, my mother has dementia and is in a care home. I'm an only child, in my 40's (currently feeling about 8 again, still needing my mum!) my parents divorced and don't see my dad. I have some great friends, but I'm struggling with the different stages of mum's illness and what feels like bereavment before she has died.
I'm trying to make the best of the relationship we have and visit her 4-5 days a week and I'm doing my best to cope with full time work, visting mum, dealing with all the stuff that goes on in the care home and life in general, but seeing the cup as half full is hard at the moment - I think it's the 'only child thing' that's getting to me, I feel unsupported, that no one really understands how hard it is to slowly 'loose' the one person who I've always been so close to me all my life - we've been through so much together after my dad left us when I was 5. I read stuff and it tells me you don't really ever come to terms with it - mum really started getting ill about 20 years ago with a breakdown and has had diagnosed dementia for 12 years - but if you don't ever come to terms with it then how do you ever really accept it or have peace of mind? It's such a cruel illness and mum has been through so much in her life before the dementia even started and made so many sacrifices for me, it feels very unfair and so sad. And the thought things are only going to get worse with mum's dementia, perhaps not even recognising me one day, and she will eventually die and how I will cope without her is really tormenting me - I know it has to happen but it feels so draining and overwhelming. I know I need to get things in perspective but it's so hard when you are living with it every day.
I'm going to join a support group near me later in the week and hope that may help me.
Is anyone else out there experiencing the same sort of thing? I've had emails from other sources saying having brothers and sisters who are useless is worse, but that doesn't help me! I'd be so grateful to hear from any other 'only-children' on their experiences/coping tips. Thanks. Yours perplexingly.
I'm Jane, my mother has dementia and is in a care home. I'm an only child, in my 40's (currently feeling about 8 again, still needing my mum!) my parents divorced and don't see my dad. I have some great friends, but I'm struggling with the different stages of mum's illness and what feels like bereavment before she has died.
I'm trying to make the best of the relationship we have and visit her 4-5 days a week and I'm doing my best to cope with full time work, visting mum, dealing with all the stuff that goes on in the care home and life in general, but seeing the cup as half full is hard at the moment - I think it's the 'only child thing' that's getting to me, I feel unsupported, that no one really understands how hard it is to slowly 'loose' the one person who I've always been so close to me all my life - we've been through so much together after my dad left us when I was 5. I read stuff and it tells me you don't really ever come to terms with it - mum really started getting ill about 20 years ago with a breakdown and has had diagnosed dementia for 12 years - but if you don't ever come to terms with it then how do you ever really accept it or have peace of mind? It's such a cruel illness and mum has been through so much in her life before the dementia even started and made so many sacrifices for me, it feels very unfair and so sad. And the thought things are only going to get worse with mum's dementia, perhaps not even recognising me one day, and she will eventually die and how I will cope without her is really tormenting me - I know it has to happen but it feels so draining and overwhelming. I know I need to get things in perspective but it's so hard when you are living with it every day.
I'm going to join a support group near me later in the week and hope that may help me.
Is anyone else out there experiencing the same sort of thing? I've had emails from other sources saying having brothers and sisters who are useless is worse, but that doesn't help me! I'd be so grateful to hear from any other 'only-children' on their experiences/coping tips. Thanks. Yours perplexingly.
