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Newbie from Poole, Dorset, needing a little tea and sympathy - Carers UK Forum

Newbie from Poole, Dorset, needing a little tea and sympathy

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am new here - first timer!

My father 90 years old (advanced prostate cancer and heart problems, cathertirized) - and his wife (advanced lung cancer) - moved into our family home due to them both not coping. I am a busy mum of 11 and 14 year old and work part time at a high school. Sadly my dad's wife died in August (not my mother) and Dad started radiotherapy in September.

We gave Dad 2 of our reception rooms which are used as his bedroom and his lounge. I wanted him to have his private area and for us to have our private area. We put in a stair lift for him to access 2 bathrooms upstairs.

I don't want to sound a grumpy old goat so wont go into all the ins and outs of what I have had to give up - but wanted to chat with other people in my situation (elderly lonely father living with you!) - Patiences is a virtue .... but I am struggling.... I could do with a Carer Buddy on here! Pretty Please with cherries on top!!!

I think being able to talk to with people going through the same situation will stop me tearing my hair out! ...................... Thanks for listening!! xx Image
The Forum is good for that.We don`t solve much,but we all have the ability to listen,moan,bitch,gripe,suggest,explain,share.......and smile.Hope you find it as useful and fun as i do. Image Image Image
Hi Louise, and welcome to the forum, plenty of people on here caring for parents, so you are not alone, roll call on carer to carer is a good place to post and get to know people.
Hello Louise. Good to have you join us here Image

A lot of folk do what you have done, ie have relatives living in part of their home. It can work really well, especially in the early days. But later on as dependancy increases, or if a partner dies, things can be more challenging for both parties. And we Carers get older and more tired ! At that point ( this point ? ) it is hard to know what to do.

I cannot really comment from personal experience as my situation is different in that I stay with my elderly Mum most of the week, at her place. But I know that your situation is far from unique and I very much hope someone steps forward who can empathise a bit more from first hand experience. But I dont think anyone has the answers as such. Maybe if you need a break or could do with some other input, then you could usefully contact Social Services and ask for an Assessment, explaining you are a Carer ( Social Services are part of your local council ). It does sound like you are at the point when you do need some input from outside the home set-up.

Although all our situations are different, we all have much in common as Carers - practical, financial, social, and emotional issues. This is a good place to make contact with folk and to get support.

All good wishes to you.....

Robert
Hiya and a warm welcome to the forum. did I hear you mention cherries........mmmmmmmmmmmm. roll call on carer to carer is a good place to get to know us all.

Karen
hi and welcome from me too Image
Welcome to the forum from another newbie. xx
Hello Louise and welcome to the forum.

It sounds as if you need a carers assessment for yourself, and possibly some help with personal care for your Dad to give you a bit of a break.

I hope you make some new friends here.

Take care
Meg
HI louise a warm welcome , I dont look after any parent but i am only about half an hour from you here being as I live in Bridport , the only thing we have in common is that we both care for a loved one , I care for my wife who has a number of problems .
You will find on here people that know how you feel , what you are going through and to be honest have been much comfort for me since I have been involved , somebody will know what an answer is or help along the way .
Keep posting and if there is anything I can help with , just ask will do my best to help , take care . Image Image
Hi Louise,
Have you worked out a list of what is driving you nuts most? You have a lot on your plate at the moment, and I'm concerned that you don't miss out on the last two or three years that your sons will want you for - soon they'll be up and away and it won't be "Cool" to be seen with mum and dad. I've supported all four elderly, poorly parents. I'm in Lymington, they've been in Brockenhurst and New Milton, so just down the coast from you. Only mum left now,very poorly, in Bournemouth Hospital, but still telling me to go and get this that and the other from her bungalow, as if I've got nothing else to do - meanwhile I've been at her place tidying up, changing her bed, sorting out the fridge etc.etc.etc. in readiness for her return. On top of that my son with severe learning difficulties has been home for Christmas. I had a knee replacement 11 weeks ago so I'm not fully fit. Is giving up work a possibility? Probably you want to keep your job as they are so hard to come by. Is your home as streamlined as possible? Washer Dryer? Tumble Dryer? Dishwasher? Does dad have any time at a day hospital, trips out, or carers in while you are out? Finally, do you and your husband have any time together? If you can prioritise your concerns, you can then work through them - the forum might give you some pointers if needed. Does Dad pay his way? Mum has little idea of the cost of things these days. I have power of attorney, all she wants to know is whether there is enough in the bank to buy some flower bulbs! Hope that helps. Jill