Newbie - Just need to talk

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
I am new to this so please accept apologies if I am doing this wrong - I just need to talk and they say talking to strangers help. Don't get me wrong I have friends and family but I can't seem to tell them how I feel without them thinking I am being selfish or a drama queen.

Let me tell you a bit about myself first. I am 62 years old and I reduced my working hours several years ago to look after mum but soon found out that working and caring was quite stressful so eventually gave up work to care for her full time last year - she is disabled (hip replacements) and 88 years of age and quite cantankerous. Yes it is hard work but that doesnt bother me.

Now to the reason I am here. 5/6 weeks ago mum had her normal blood tests - at 8.30pm on a Friday night the doctor called. That in itself scared me as he has never done that. He told me that mums Bilirubin levels were extremely high this could be gall stones or Liver - want to admit her immediately for scan and further tests. He also said that it is possible lab had made mistake but wanted to be sure. Suffice to say I was terrified. I had no idea what he was saying as all was medical terms.

I told him that mum looked fine and was eating normally actually at the time he had called she was eating Apple Pie and was shouting at one of the characters on Corrie..

The evening prior to bloods she had been sick would that result in the levels being high? - he said it was possible.
I knew that if an ambulance turned up at the door for mum it would frighten her so after further discussions with my sister we told GP to wait ...he agreed would be best option and "quality of life" OMG that made it worse ...
Does she have symptons? symptons of what I asked? - Jaundice - no she is not yellow - has she stopped eating? - no she has not - Is she in pain? - no she is not - we decided not to stress her out and he would take more bloods on the Monday.

Bloods were taken on Monday and was told later that day that levels had dropped by half but they were still concerned as to why they had peaked.

Again I said is it possible that because she was sick just prior ? Possible but want more bloods.

So further bloods were taken a few days later - levels were slightly high but no where near as bad - could be the meds she was on - so we changed them and GP would chase up scan. A few days later bloods taken again - GP did not call with those results so we assume they were normal.

The thing is that since that initial call from GP 5/6 weeks ago I have not slept well, I am shaking inside and absolutely terrified my mind is working overtime. Every time I hear her cough I am out of bed and rushing to her room. I am looking for signs that she is not well but there are none that I can see - she is still eating, her bodily functions have not changed, she is still bossy - She has even said she fancies going away for some winter sun.

I am trying to act normal around her and people when all I want to do is scream I am so scared. Maybe it is the fact of not knowing for sure - maybe due to the stress of the last few weeks I have just blown it all out of proportion.
My sister thinks I have, so dont discuss it with her anymore. She says if it was really that bad they would have just taken mum irrespective of what I said. But can not help thinking what if my sister and I made the wrong choice?

I havent told mum any of this as I know she would worry and at her age that is something I dont want for her.

We now have scan scheduled for today and I am shaking - palpitations feel my heart is going to come out of my chest - want to run and hide but I can't. Is this normal? Has anyone else been this terrified ?

Wish me luck and thanks for letting me vent.
Good luck. x x
It is very normal to feel the way you have been feeling, I was at that point myself when caring for my Nan. x x
Hi Pura,
Do you have power of attorney for mum? If you have the health one you can get all the information you need from your doctor which should help put your mind at rest or at least help you understand what you are facing.
I hope the scan went well and you can relax a bit now.
Tracy
Hi there
Welcome to the forum. It's a good place for saying the things you need to hold in when you are dealing with your carees. Folk here understand as many have been there.
It's not surprising that you are worried. You are entering uncharted waters...added to that it's pretty terrifying to change roles and be the one who cares for the person who cared for you. It's a big responsibility.
I looked after both my parents in their final years. I've always liked being well informed about my own health problems and found myself scouring the net to find out about their symptoms too. It helped in some ways, like making sense of what was happening, but not in others. Truth was, whatever was going to happen happened anyway and there was little I could do about it.
Try to get some sleep and, if you find yourself getting none, go to your GP and talk through your situation. Being a carer isn't easy but you'll find lots of support here too.
Sending hugs.
Juggler
x
Thanks Juggler... it is role reversal which is really strange.... ..I trawled the net and it both scared and eased me as Mum didn't have any of the signs caused by Liver issues ..but have good news..her scan results today (yet to be confirmed by consultant) showed no adverse Liver or Kidney malformations....they did see onset of gallstones...after telling them of the GP's call that started this all off the doctor was not impressed that we had gone through so much stress ...obviously we need consultant report but was told not to worry...both my sister and I just cried with relief....
Thank you for allowing me to let off steam....now have to try and get into some sort of sleep pattern..

By the way...
Do you have a page or thread for general chat as would like to meet people in my area in same situation....have lost touch with friends since caring as they don't understand issues we have ....
Thanks Tracey...as posted to Juggler now scan went well..one huge sigh of relief ....don't have power of attorney for health issues but as Mum doesn't speak much English these days (regressing to native tongue Spanish) either my sister or I act as translators....seems to be working or at least no one has refused to discuss health problems with us...
Phew!
But I'd strongly suggest your mum starts planning for the future with PoAs for finance and health/welfare. I have done both and am in my late 50s. You never know what's going to happen. I proved this by being in an RTA when they were going through! Thankfully all was okay.
We use Roll Call for a general chat over the virtual garden fence. Just join in wherever you like.
You will see people's areas under their names. It might be useful to add yours. I've met up with some folk here as we discovered we had much in common and lived not too far away.
Jx
Hiya - Mum made her will last year and prior to that we went to the bank and sorted out her accounts so now I have access and control. The house is also jointly in our names so that is sorted.
How do I get on Roll Call? Will have a play around on site and try to find it.
Thanks for support.
Pura
Hi Pura

Here's the link to this month's Roll Call - looking forward to you joining in the chat and melee:

http://www.carersuk.org/forum/social-ar ... call-24091
Thanks will join you soon