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newbie - Carers UK Forum

newbie

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
:roll: hi I'm abi just became a carer as of Monday my mums always had some health issues but this year they have got a lot worse, mum came out of hospital after a bowel reconstruction on Monday after 3 months in hospital, when she went in she had a husband and a house, while in hospital she decided to leave him and get her own flat!! I've found the flat furnished it and got her home all of a sudden I've found myself having 2 give up work and become a carer don't think its sunk in yet! Benefits are a big issue at the moment mums on the highest rate disability, where do I start with housing benefit ,carers allowance, people keep telling me mum should be getting pension credits and some other benefits now she lives alone if anyone could point me in the right direction would be a great help.
Hello Abi and welcome to the forum :)

For benefits advice the best place to start is Carers UK Advice Line - details on how to contact them are here :
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/talk-to-us

The phone line is usually very busy (as it's over-subscribed) so it's usually best to email them with brief details (and a contact telephone number); they will get back to you but it may take a few days.
http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice

Hi Abi, welcome to the forum. I've put a link up to our help and advice page, try phoning or emailing our adviceline team, alternatively there should be a welfare rights advisor in your area, your local library or council should be able to put you in touch with them.
Abi, I can't help but think it's very tough on you to have to have stepped into the breach and become your mum's carer, especially at such short notice. It seems very drastic, as you say. Giving up your job is not something to undertake lightly, and I would be concerned that you are re-arranging your entire life around your mum - given that she has walked away from her marriage. But perhaps her husband wasn't likely to have taken on a carer role anyway, so ther wasn't much for her to lose? But was she counting on you to take his place as the person who now has to look after her?

I say this, and I do know it can sound very negative, but your life is important too - it can't just be 'devoted' to your mum, who does seem capable of making significant life-decisions for herself......

But, as I say, maybe I'm getting hold of the wrong end of the stick here - reading your post though does make me think your life has been 'taken over' by your mum??

Hopefully, when you get her finances sorted out, you'll be able to get some care in for her, and you can get more of your own life back? One of the grim truths that many of us here come to realise as carers is that what is possible to do for a short time, becomes a crushing burden over a long period, as we 'lose' our own lives as carers.....

Please do think very, very carefully before undertaking any kind of 'for ever' long-term caring role for your mum. However much you love her, as I say, you do have your own life to lead as well. :)

All the best, kind regards, Jenny