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Hi, I'm new - Carers UK Forum

Hi, I'm new

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Hi all,
So I'm new here and currently caring for my partner and starting to find things very hard.
I met my partner just over a year ago and he was progressively getting better from a large mental breakdown that had him in active treatment for over a year and he had been admitted twice.
At the start of this year he started to work full time and things have gone down hill from there, I received calls from him while I'm at work saying he's had an attack at work and needs to be picked up and go home, he's gone through 5 jobs in 5months now and is now unable to work things have gotten so bad,
I am also 28 weeks pregnant and I'm just hitting rock bottom, I'm on sick from work due to the pregnancy, no mental health service will take him on in the area as he does not fit their criterion but he needs help more then time to talk and I'm at my wits end as to what to do. I'm starting to struggle with money, keeping our house in order, fighting to claim the right benefits, family that don't understand mental health.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Hi Chelsea

Caring for someone with mental health problems is very draining - don't beat yourself up too much. It can be a pain to get help, but you need to be persistent. Like most services in this country, it is those that shout the loudest and longest that get help.

Self-help for sufferers seems to be expected these days, but it easier said than done when they have got themselves in to a state. Maybe you could try some mindfulness exercises together - they are not for everyone, but you can't knock what you haven't tried. Here is the link to a page I have used with my son:

http://www.livingwell.org.au/mindfulness-exercises-3/

It is also important that you have an outlet for your own stress, so please keep coming back to chat with us - can't promise we will keep you sane, but we 're always here to give a non-judgemental ear.

Take care xx
Thank you,
I will have a good look through the link and defiantly give the downloads a try
Chelsea, hi, and welcome to a very supportive forum - we all have a variety of needs and situations and backgrounds here, and hopefully can share experience and suggestions etc.

You say that your new partner was emerging out of a major 'bad' period when you met, on the up and getting better, but that he has been deterioriating since working full time.

What is it, do you think, that has sent him on this downward course again? ie, what is it about full time working that he finds so stressful? You say he's been through quite a lot of jobs, so there is a common factor here it would seem, rather than being about some particular aspect of a particular job (eg, colleauges he doesn't get on with etc).

It would seem to my mind that if you could identify what it is he finds so stressful (eg having to work every day, the responsibility, the interaction with other people, whether colleagues or customers etc, or the mental effort required, or whatever it might be) then you could start to tackle how he could cope with it better, or, indeed, if he could ever cope with it.

This is just a thought, but one possibility for the future might be that if he continues to find working too stressful and leading him to break down again, then maybe once your baby is born HE could be the househusband staying home to look after the baby, and YOU could be the breadwinner?

This is a tough thing to say, but unless he can eventually 'pull his weight' either by earning money or else by being the one who provides the childcare, you will, inevitably, be in the very difficult situation of effectively having 'two children' to look after.....

My final point for now would be to ask - do you feel he makes an effort to overcome his problems? If you feel he does make an effort, then, even if those efforts are currently not as successful as they need to be for you both to have a happy and sustainable relationship in the long term, and for you to be good parents to your baby, then it is worth your while investing in this relationship.

I think one can 'forgive' and 'understand' and 'support' a lot of difficult behaviour in a partner providing one feels they are making an effort not to 'collapse' on you.

You won't need me to remind you that, once your baby arrives, your first responsibility (and your partner's first responsibility too), will be to your baby, not to each other. Hopefully, it could well be that your partner rises to the challenge of fatherhood, and is able to become stronger in himself because he recognises the need to nurture his child. I do very much hope so!

Kind wishes to you at a stressful and emotional time in your life - Jenny
Hi Chelsea,
Could you tell your problems to your midwife? I have to admit it's a long time since I needed one but mine was very helpful and all the extra stress won't be helping your baby any. She will be in the right place to at least put some feelers out for you.
Good luck with it all, and Stephanie is right, this is a great place to come and feel better about things.
Tracy