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Carer for 3 years - Carers UK Forum

Carer for 3 years

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Hello everyone. I've been looking after my dad for 3 years. He is diabetic and has Parkinsons. We have no other family and in the Indian culture, men look after men and women look after women. So I gave up work to look after dad.

It's really hard. Dad can walk, albeit slowly, but needs help with most things. He's not the independent kind, is a worrier and very private. Not the easiest person to get along with. I help him with washing, changing, am his nurse, barber, companion, physiotherapist... and so on. It's a 24/7 job and I haven't slept properly in all this time.

When I first started I was way out of my depth and the training and support just wasn't there. I learned the hard way. I've worked hard to change myself and create an environment where dad feels loved, respected and cared for. It's had a very positive impact on him. I have a wonderful sister who helps with the cooking and cleaning.

As a carer on a trifling allowance (don't get me started!!), I've encountered people who regard me as "not working", or doing a menial task. Caring has little status in society. How am I supposed to find that special lady and have a family of my own? I'm 43 now.

Getting help is another topic that frustrates me. I know dad and his needs. Dad has been cared for by others in the past and it's been horrible. I've had to pick up the pieces and it took many months to build up his confidence again.

So that's my story and I also want to express my admiration for you all.
Welcome to the forum. Have you had a benefits check recently? Depending on your savings, it is possible to have Carers Allowance topped up with other benefits. Similarly, dad may well be entitled to Disability Living Allowance or Attendance Allowance, depending on his age. Money doesn't make anyone better, but it can make life much more bearable.
Hi Roop and welcome Image
And well done as it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job. Do feel free to ask anything you like about, well anything really! Someone is bound to know.
Hi and a warm welcome to the forum, it doe sound a though you are doing everything in your power to ensure that Dad is well looked after. A Bowlingbun has said it would be worth you getting a full benefits check done to see if you and Dad are getting all that you are entitled to.
Thank you very much for your warm welcome Image

Dad does get attendance allowance and I get the carer's, but am not sure what other benefits he's entitled to, or how to check. I dislike forms and bureaucracy. I wish the system was easier to understand.

I also think carer's should get free prescriptions/eye tests etc as standard. We work so hard and get so little.
Carers UK has a wonderful helpline, they made me £50 better off. The line may be busy, but I understand you can now email them too. The benefits system is a minefield, and so many things depend on individual circumstances. Unfortunately, the DWP "advisors" aren't as good as they used to be, and don't always give you the full story. CUK are so much better. However if you go to the top of this page, just below the Carers UK logo, there is a tab which says "Help and Advice". Click here and there are details of all sorts of things which might be relevant to you.
This might give you some idea Roop. It's a benefit checker site.
http://www.turn2us.org.uk/benefits_search.aspx
or you can ring the helpline at carersuk, though that does get very busy but if you send them an e-mail they will get back to you Image
Thank you Myrtle and bowlingbun Image