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Newbie -Carers UK Forum

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HI I'm new year and sadly I should have joined this sort of forum before, here goes, my father who has a diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease diagnosed in the April of 2019 after a brain scan in the Feb, my father started to decline in the February of 2017 when I noticed his practical skills on the wane, fast forward to a hip replacement operation in the June of 2018 and post operation delirium and both my myself and my mother noticed a further mental decline. We coped when he came back out in the July; until the 27th of January 2020 when my father came into my bedroom one morning waving his walking stick threatening me with it at 5.30 am, so over the next 15.5 months we had a series of her majesty's police force and paramedics turning up at the bungalow, on occasions my father would try and whack me across the head with his walking stick on another occasion in the December of 2020 at 1.30 am he tried to push my head under the water in the bathroom, which he achieved for a few moments until I pushed him off, wanting the keys for our end gate. In the previous July he tried to whack me and I ducked and he hit the central heating dial off the wall. Anyway by this May I called the paramedics again after an off duty police officer noticed my father acting strangely at our ends gates, Police came out and put another safe guarding vista I think they call it back in. I have battled with the social workers for months and months, needs assessments and trying to keep him home. Anyway on the 11th of May 2021 when the paramedics came out in the morning, the social services were contacted and I was given the option of the sectioning route or some respite care, I stupidly chose respite care and failed to realize in my split second decision that I could have had free aftercare for my father if the follow up with the Psychiatrist and G.P. had continued with sectioning, as obviously if my father did go into a care home which he did after I took him to the care home on the following Monday on the 17th of May 2021 (it was realistically, looking back going to be long term,) after frog marching him down the garden into (Evicting my own father off his own property!) the car and then into the home at ten past three P.M. Life was awful trying to cope with him and his Alzheimer's disease and also difficult with him no longer around. Also his behaviour with my Mother was bad on occasions, spiteful and nasty verbal insults and spitting over her on one occasion. I have requested NHS Continuing Healthcare with the community nurse and the care home manager though I think my father even though he has co morbidities with severe osteoarthritis and osteoporosis and pernicious Anaemia and bad Cellulitis in his left leg and also now problems with his other leg as well. I look at the reaction of people claiming, and I feel we have more chance of winning the national lottery. His brother had Cellulitis on his death certificate when he died in 2018 so it can become a very serious problem. End of diatribe, thanks for reading. :( Oh also I suffer with M.E. and my Mother suffers with Unstable Angina, just for good measure. :)
What do you have in writing about these events?
Oh yes my apologies I'm a very boring 50 something year old 51 in late July, my father has the usual elderly problems plus the random bad luck of contracting Alzheimer's disease, I'm just looking for some advice from others who have made the same arrogant mistakes that I have made perhaps/ but have been cleverer and wise enough to come out the other side?
Roger_2107
Start by gathering together all the information and dates you have.
How much do you have in writing, especially about the possible section?
Just because he wasn't sectioned doesn't mean he can't qualify for CHC.
I have nothing on the 'section' other than a deniable conversation from a cleverer than me social worker, I have asked for a CHC checklist to be carried out but I fear that the community nurse involved is just another nhs mandarin and could be playing me as a fool. I notice these days that most health professionals are disingenuous and evasive, because sadly their job is too well paid to jeopardize over an over enthusiastic Son and sick father. My father is very ill now, but so are the other residents in the care home, though some seem to be the living dead whilst dad has bad cellulitis legs (the death knell for older ppl) (I'm worried!) and he is permanently in a wheelchair it seems and more confused now than myself.
I understand those sentiments so well!!

The only way to resolve this is to play them at their own game.
Have you familiarised yourself with the CHC Framework, for example.
I printed it off and went through it with a highlighter pen and post it notes.

Have you made a formal WRITTEN request to CHC, for a checklist assessment to be completed.
You have to be present and involved. If it's been done without you, then rules have been broken.
I have sent so many emails off one to the CCG which has ignored my queries, also so many to the CQC that they have included me on their calendar for December. I have the email record for the care home the health centre. The care home manager has begged me to stop the emails as she spends all her time in the care home office now since my father went into her establishment, trouble is I don't trust them, the care home manger, the G.P.s the Community health nurses, the social workers or the Psychiatrist really even though he's an affable chap. I have emailed the care home and the local geriatric out reach unit and the memory 2gether team and I think it's a leap of faith they won't move until I sign their (carehome) contract but I don't like signing blank cheques, so they are holding back on the CHC. I feel like a leader of a government quango like org. Best interests meeting in two weeks time, went to one last week, felt like I was on trial at the Hague. I have emailed my M.P so many times that I have flatlined his responses.
In that case, it's time to involve a specialist solicitor.
I have been down a similar route.
Keep refusing to sign anything.
Hi Roger,
Welcome to the forum!

It sounds like a very stressful and emotional time you are going through right now. Please know that you're not alone, we are sure that many on here will understand exactly how you feel and offer support. Caring can be very lonely and the pandemic has made caring responsibilities more challenging for carers.
Carers UK are running online weekly meet ups for unpaid carers to take some time for themselves and chat to other carers. Feel free to join if you'd like to and there's no pressure to share anything you don't want to.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... ne-meetups - our next casual virtual meetup is Monday 12th July.

There is also a range of sessions for you to take part in if you would like such as wellbeing.
https://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advic ... e-sessions

Carers UK also provide information and guidance to unpaid carers. This covers a range of subjects including:

Benefits and financial support, services available to carers and the people you care for and how to complain effectively and challenge decisions


Best wishes

Lucy.
Thanks to all though I have tried to engage with a solicitor including my parents solicitor and my outbox is full of messages to solicitors who specialize and those who don't in these sorts of thing, the thing of it is, they want my money :( one wants £2100 for a CHC checklist and application and then £1700 if they think it's worth while to take it further. I read somewhere on this forum that one member paid £10,000 Quid and got no where. I have been told by the community nurse that only those really terminally ill like 3 months away from death are getting it now, you have to have quadruple incontinence, be breathing out of a 5 thousand pound££ device, have cancer heart disease stroke and dementia have the delta Covid 19 and be born between the 9th of May 1931 and the 10th of May 1931 and have a history of going to church and have a signed copy of the King James Bible and be a member of the 1922 committee... Because of the pandemic funds have dried up. I assume that the elderly with all forms of dementia have now slipped down the agenda, below that of a gerbil cage cleaner, tokens for free footballs for kids and scented face masks. My biggest mistake was not going down the sectioning route when it was offered against respite care, my brain is semi fried as well, I suffer with a form of M.E. obviously have concentration and memory problems. Plus my decision making is worse than that of the former health secretary. My view of solicitors is that small vulnerable fish and a big ravenous shark springs to mind. The social services see our situation as three vulnerable adults including affected child i.e. me the Son and we can just do what we like with them for a while.