Elaine wrote:
Mon Sep 30, 2019 10:46 pm
Hi Mark,
I don't think you have said how old you and your parents are? It is relevant.
For instance, when it comes to giving up work, are you about to retire anyway?
If not, do you expect to walk back into work when your caring role is over? That is NOT easy.
If so, then haven't you any plans for your retirement years and are you prepared to sacrifice them? (whatever you think now, you are NOT prepared!!)
I would echo others here and say NO to giving up work. Cut down perhaps, if you can mange financially, but you need the 'away from Caring' (nursing), proper conversations, the outside world, other people, something more than old age, sickness, commodes, daytime TV and refusals to co-operate.
Sooner or later your parents will need 24/7 care in a Home. None of us ever want to 'put' our parents in a Home but in the end needs must.
In retrospect, having found a Home which ticked all my Mum's want boxes and found it not at all what I expected, my priorities, if I had to do it again, would be, in order of importance -
1. Friendly, well trained staff, who speak understandably and clearly and interact in a caring manner.
2. Well cooked, tasty food but with a lot of adaptability for individual tastes, preferences and allergies.
3. A light, airy room, with space for a few bits of familiar furniture, TV, pictures etc.
4, Compatible residents. Someone to talk to, (if applicable). (It's the difference between a residential Home and a Nursing Home. A Nursing Home's residents are often beyond communication, but if one's parent needs the nursing care, what can you do?)
5. Open, non defensive management, who listen to and act on any concerns.
6. A programme of entertainment and activities.

Things like fire escapes and strategies for evacuation are important but hopefully not needed daily. A sympathetic and caring staff is.
Also, when visiting a Home to suss out suitability, use your nose. What does the place smell of? Use your fingers. Are surfaces sticky and dirty? Use your eyes. Waste or dirty laundry around? What's happening in communal areas?

Caring for elderly parents is a minefield in a bog. Sudden shocks and sinking. So many, many of us plunge into this morass with the best of intentions and highest of hopes, In reality the only way to survive is to stand on the edge and oversee the experts as they do the wading in. Not many people accept that and then regret it.
^wss. All of it.