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New to the site, help with query please! - Carers UK Forum

New to the site, help with query please!

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi, I am caring for my mum, age 84 together with my dad age 89. Mum has had many health problems, far too many to go into! After 3 long hospital stays the
Is year, we have her back home now, and great carers coming in for personal care.
Mums grandson is getting married in 3 weeks time, but it is 2 & half hours drive away. She dearly wants to go, and it is the only thing she speaks about. We know it is going to be difficult, but we have always said we will respect her wishes as much as we possibly can. Dad is fit and well, but can't possibly take on 24 hour care. We have spoken to one of the carers, who has said she will take them to the wedding, stay overnight with mum, and drive them back the day after, look after mum as though she were at home, as she knows how much it means to her.
The only thing is, we have no idea how much to pay her! We have asked her, and she doesn't know, and asked how much we want to pay. Please could anyone give us any idea what we should be looking at to give her. It will be just over 24 hours for to door, maybe into 30 hours.
We will obviously pay all out of pocket expenses as well, i.e. Petrol, hotel, food, drink, but do not know what we should offer for her time.
Any advice would be so welcome. We just want them to be able to go, we know it will be a challenge, but we are only all here for a short time, and whatever it takes we want to make memories and smiles along the way.
Many thanks!
Would I be right in thinking the carers are provided by the local authority? The LA rate in my area for personal assistants is between £10 and £10.50 an hour. If you know the agency which employs your carer, then perhaps look at their website?

My father in law was very poorly but determined to stick around so he could see his only grand daughter get married. My husband and I took him to the wedding, but didn't stay for the evening reception, which I was disappointed about. He went down hill very quickly after the wedding and died 2 months later.

So make sure mum can get to the wedding, has a nice outfit etc. etc. but please don't be surprised if she too goes downhill afterwards.
If it's any guidance, my friend, whose 90 y/o father with dementia lives at home with her, can only get time away from caring and go on holiday etc, by hiring in a local care-worker basically to 'replace her'. (ie, the careworker does what my friend does - general 'safeguarding' in the home, cooking, helping to bed, helping to get up, chatting etc etc).

He isn't elgible for any kind of social care, he's over the financial threshold, so he has to be self-funding. My friend says that hiring an overnight carer to 'take her place' is something over £100 a day (including the night) (ie, 24 hours). I can check exactly how much - I don't think it's more than £120. Then there is some extra money for her food (ie, if she needs to go shopping to restock the fridge etc). I think she gets something like a two-hour break a day (when my friend's dad snoozes!), but is 'on duty' all night so to speak in case he calls, or falls, etc.

The carers come from the local (private) care agency.

So what you could do to start with is phone up a local private care agency in your general area, and ask how much an overnight carer would cost. That would give you the 'baseline' for what to pay your mum's existing carer.

My only warning might be insurance. You might need to ensure both your mum, and the care lady, are ensured while they are away, and while you mum is with her. You might be able to get very temporary insurance in this respect. You want to insure the care-worker in case she has an accident, eg, falls, or whatever, while looking after your mum.

She'll also need to check with her car insurer if she is covered, because your mum might be seen not as a 'social passenger' but as a 'customer', and the drive might be seen as 'business', etc.

I do hope it can all work out well, and your mum can get to to her grandchild's wedding!

All the best -
Thank you so much for the advice, there is so much to consider, we hadnt thought of all insurances etc, its good to know of a baseline for cost, we were thinking probably 250 pounds so we will not be offending hopefully.
Thanks once again.
Marina _1707 wrote:Hi, I am caring for my mum, age 84 together with my dad age 89. Mum has had many health problems, far too many to go into! After 3 long hospital stays the
Is year, we have her back home now, and great carers coming in for personal care.
Mums grandson is getting married in 3 weeks time, but it is 2 & half hours drive away. She dearly wants to go, and it is the only thing she speaks about. We know it is going to be difficult, but we have always said we will respect her wishes as much as we possibly can. Dad is fit and well, but can't possibly take on 24 hour care. We have spoken to one of the carers, who has said she will take them to the wedding, stay overnight with mum, and drive them back the day after, look after mum as though she were at home, as she knows how much it means to her.
The only thing is, we have no idea how much to pay her! We have asked her, and she doesn't know, and asked how much we want to pay. Please could anyone give us any idea what we should be looking at to give her. It will be just over 24 hours for to door, maybe into 30 hours.
We will obviously pay all out of pocket expenses as well, i.e. Petrol, hotel, food, drink, but do not know what we should offer for her time.
Any advice would be so welcome. We just want them to be able to go, we know it will be a challenge, but we are only all here for a short time, and whatever it takes we want to make memories and smiles along the way.
Many thanks!
Is the carer from a agency. If their are why not pay through the agency. I've have previously when working with agencies done this kind of care. Everything is above board and insurances for all covered.

If the carer is less informal friend etc. The situation would be slightly different. However, if a incident or accident was to occur. There would be not insurance cover.