Hi, everyone.

Tell us a bit about yourself here.
Hi all, so glad I found this place (as, no doubt is everybody else!). I'm a carer for my Mother who's in her 60's. Also a single father to 6 six yr old daughter...

Looking forwards to chatting and (hopefully) getting advice!

Cheers!

Lee :)
Hi Lee, welcome to the forum. You are what is sometimes called a "Sandwich Carer", as you are in the middle between a younger and older generation!

Do you manage the juggling OK? At one stage I was disabled myself, but still caring for an adult son with learning difficulties and a housebound mum in her eighties. They both seemed to compete for my attention, so in the end I had counselling. The counsellor helped me reach the conclusion that my son M had to come first, as he couldn't speak up for himself, mum could. I explained this gently to mum, who didn't like to come second, but understood why. I made sure she always had the care she needed, with the council providing daily basic care, and I did everything else.
Hi Bowlingbun!

I mange pretty well considering. My Daughter, while only 6 is an old head on young shoulders and Mum, thankfully, is very understanding. My little one understands that Mum sometimes needs a lot of attention and, god love her, tries to help where she can.

Mu only real gripe is, as I'm sure with everybody, lack of sleep! That bags under my eyes are so large I'm exempt from the 5p per carrier charge at ASDA! :lol:
Hi Lee,
Lack of sleep is awful. What's keeping you awake? Does Mum have night time needs or are you lying there worrying?
Would a mild medication help? Try the GP?
KR
E.
Elaine wrote:Hi Lee,
Lack of sleep is awful. What's keeping you awake? Does Mum have night time needs or are you lying there worrying?
Would a mild medication help? Try the GP?
KR
E.

Hi Elaine,

Mum sometimes needs me during the night, however, it's more just how I am. I'm one of those annoying folk that does all my thinking at night. I've always been the same. But, it's sort of become part and parcel of life now. I get up around 4 with Mum, then get my little one up at 6:45 and get her ready for school. Obviously then do all my caring duties during the day and usually find myself back in bed around 9pm after settling Mum and the little one down.

It's funny because, even before I started caring, I was never really a "lie-in" person. Yet, here I am now and when the alarm goes off I find myself wishing for a couple of hours more!!

I guess it's true what they say... Men, we're such complicated creatures!
Hi Lee
Welcome to the forum, wondering if you have any help at all with looking after mum apart from your that which your very special daughter gives?
What's causing your mum to need such care? Sixties is very young (lots us here in our sixties, and we are carers ourselves, rather than carees!). I take it there are severe medical issues affecting her.

As Henrietta says, are you getting any external help with your mum's needs? I do hope so!
Hi Lee
Welcome to the forum, wondering if you have any help at all with looking after mum apart from your that which your very special daughter gives?
jenny lucas wrote:What's causing your mum to need such care? Sixties is very young (lots us here in our sixties, and we are carers ourselves, rather than carees!). I take it there are severe medical issues affecting her.

As Henrietta says, are you getting any external help with your mum's needs? I do hope so!
Mum had lots of help and support up until Dad passed away in 2013. Then, all that sort of... vanished. I guess you could say people just lost interest (family can be so fickle!). I was living in the Forest of Dean at the time so had to give up my job, home etc to move back North and care for Mum. within those few years I've managed to make changes to the house that make it comfortable enough for Mum to live.

Mum was diagnosed with Cancer of the bowel back in 2000. Then, on top of that, she also has severe arthritis in both her legs as well as several other ailments (asthma etc).

As for external help... Well, if I'm honest I became a wee bit disillusioned with the system as a whole. It started when, after arriving back, I took a trip to C.A.B. to see exactly what help I could get. With all due respect to the many men and women who work at C.A.B., my experience was not a good one. Firstly we were told "I'm sorry, you won't get Carer's allowance because your Mum has a private pension" (which turned out to be false), then when I asked about schemes to make the house more accessible for Mum (disabled shower etc) again, this gentleman told us "Oh, no, you'll get nothing. Your Mum owns her own home. It's not even worth my time looking". Eventually I gave in and used my savings to pay for the changes myself.

Once those ran out (late last year) I was forced to claim "Job Seekers" and, thankfully, the person I was assigned as my work coach took a look at my situation and set me on the right track. So we're now getting Carer's etc.
It's a shame that the CAB didn't just immediately refer you to Carers UK!

I do think the problem that CUK has is that it is NOT WELL KNOWN!

I'd never heard of it EVER. I found it completely by chance when I because my MIL's carer three years ago as I was desperate to find a forum, and it turned up on an Internet search. But to me Carers UK has NO 'public image' at all, and people just do not know it exists.

Anyway, sorry that CAB was so useless, but again, it shows that it is HARD to find the correct info - and as you know, the government organisations aren't exactly forthcoming either! (or even always accurate...)

Another example is that I had NO IDEA that 'severe mental impairment' meant exemption from council tax. Another thing I learnt here from other members!

Obviously, the common theme is that government is NOT going to be forward in telling us what we are entitled to by way of financial benefit to us at all. The less we know the less we'll claim.....

Was there any information on the various cancer sites I wonder? Macmillan should be good on the 'Financial Impact of a Cancer Diagnosis', but I've never checked.

I do wonder, you know, whether you'd be getting as much hassle to find a 'rewarding job' (!!) if you were female......the notion of SAHM (Stay at home mum) is far more 'acceptable' for a woman than to be a SAHD, however similar the situation is. The problem is, we cannot split ourselves in two, to hold down a job responsibly AND be ontap for care as well.