Hello, I'm new to this forum and I'd just like some advice with my situation, please.
I'm 25 years old, and I have been caring for my 45 year old mum, and my 10 year old brother for over a year now. She has end stage COPD, and because of that is on oxygen at home and is (most days) bedridden. Up until a year ago, I was at university, had moved out and was living with my boyfriend and life was good. I'm finding it extremely difficult to adjust to spending my days and nights with my mum and brother, and have no social life anymore. Friends seemed to stop inviting me out because I don't really have the time anymore, and I feel like a failure because I couldn't complete my degree and have the career I'd always wanted. I struggle in social situations because I feel so detached and alone, and I'm staying indoors more and more. I can't invite friends over because my mum complains that she is too tired for people to be here or she just doesn't want it, understandably. She is extremely angry at her situation and that she can't live the life she wants to with her son, which she takes out on me a lot. She pressures me every single day to spend time with my brother (which I do, but it's a struggle because he is so hard to deal with as he is angry and upset at the situation and feels I am "taking over" our mums place).
I have a lot of pent up anger at my situation because as a child, I lived with my grandma and wasn't taken care of by my mum, and now I resent that I have given up the "prime" of my life to take care of her. I can't do any of the things I want to (I.e. University, have my own home, have my own children with my boyfriend, etc) as we live in her house. She complains that I never do anything right, she is OCD-level clean (or was, when she could manage to run her own home) and nothing I do is up to her standard. I love my mother with all of my heart, but I'm growing to resent her. It upsets me to even think about it, because I feel like a failure of a daughter. I am terrified of losing her, because I feel like she IS my life, and I don't know how I'll be able to get my little brother through it. I am awoken every day to my little brother screaming abuse (he hits, punches, barges and verbally abuses me every day- and I don't know how to deal with it), or to my mum screaming me to come and get him because he won't listen to a word she says. By the time I've managed to get everyone to bed and settled it's 11pm, and then I'm off to bed myself so there's never any time to see anyone for myself. I've been taken into hospital previously after trying to overdose (prior to caring for my mum) so I know that it's easy for me to slip back into depression. Sometimes I just don't know if I'm the right person to do this. I end up in tears most days because I feel I can't do this anymore. I just don't know what to do.
I'm 25 years old, and I have been caring for my 45 year old mum, and my 10 year old brother for over a year now. She has end stage COPD, and because of that is on oxygen at home and is (most days) bedridden. Up until a year ago, I was at university, had moved out and was living with my boyfriend and life was good. I'm finding it extremely difficult to adjust to spending my days and nights with my mum and brother, and have no social life anymore. Friends seemed to stop inviting me out because I don't really have the time anymore, and I feel like a failure because I couldn't complete my degree and have the career I'd always wanted. I struggle in social situations because I feel so detached and alone, and I'm staying indoors more and more. I can't invite friends over because my mum complains that she is too tired for people to be here or she just doesn't want it, understandably. She is extremely angry at her situation and that she can't live the life she wants to with her son, which she takes out on me a lot. She pressures me every single day to spend time with my brother (which I do, but it's a struggle because he is so hard to deal with as he is angry and upset at the situation and feels I am "taking over" our mums place).
I have a lot of pent up anger at my situation because as a child, I lived with my grandma and wasn't taken care of by my mum, and now I resent that I have given up the "prime" of my life to take care of her. I can't do any of the things I want to (I.e. University, have my own home, have my own children with my boyfriend, etc) as we live in her house. She complains that I never do anything right, she is OCD-level clean (or was, when she could manage to run her own home) and nothing I do is up to her standard. I love my mother with all of my heart, but I'm growing to resent her. It upsets me to even think about it, because I feel like a failure of a daughter. I am terrified of losing her, because I feel like she IS my life, and I don't know how I'll be able to get my little brother through it. I am awoken every day to my little brother screaming abuse (he hits, punches, barges and verbally abuses me every day- and I don't know how to deal with it), or to my mum screaming me to come and get him because he won't listen to a word she says. By the time I've managed to get everyone to bed and settled it's 11pm, and then I'm off to bed myself so there's never any time to see anyone for myself. I've been taken into hospital previously after trying to overdose (prior to caring for my mum) so I know that it's easy for me to slip back into depression. Sometimes I just don't know if I'm the right person to do this. I end up in tears most days because I feel I can't do this anymore. I just don't know what to do.