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newbie - Carers UK Forum


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Hi,Ive been thrust into the role of carer to my mum after my dad passed away suddenly.Im struggling to cope with life at the minute.I have two young boys,a job.my mums blind with very limited mobility,plus I havent really had chance to grieve for my dad who died in august.I feel like im swamped by responsibility.Being a carer to mum is something I had never thought I would do,especially has she is 65.I am dealing with all aspects of her life from personal care to financial. Social services have been no support neither has her Doctor.Has anyone got any reassuring words or tips please. Image
Hi Lorraine and welcome aboard! I'm on the "early shift" today!!

Firstly I strongly advise you to contact the advice line. Details are on the main website and here: viewtopic.php?f=24&t=18890

They can go into details with you that it's probably best not to share online.
Oh Lorraine, its a nightmare when you are suddenly thrust into that position. There are so many things you have to do and you end up feeling stretched beyond your capabilities. You havent mentioned a husband - are you trying to do this all on your own? Check out the link Charles gave you and try to make a bit of room for yourself or you could end up burning out. Delegate and/or ditch as much as you can and just concentrate on getting your family sorted. xx
morning,thanks for the link will be ringing,yes I have a husband,he works full time and is supportive,looks after the boys,takes mum out of a weekend etc.Our lives have had to change a lot,my health is being an issue,Im insulin dependant diabetic and the dr has put me on citalopram for anxiety,my main worry is my kids,I just want to be a mum to them.I know there are people in more difficult positions than me,I just hope I can find a way to keep life on an even keel.x
hi and welcome
Hi and welcome Image
Hi Lorraine....welcome to the forum! I do have some understanding of your situation as when Dad passed away suddenly, I too became my Mums carer, despite the fact I live 1000 miles away in Spain. It is an awful shock I know and I certainly understand what you say about not grieving for your Dad. I feel that I really didn't do this until Mum passed away 2 years later.

I didn't have young children to contend with either so it is just so important that you get as much help as possible in place. It is a pity that social services are not being very helpful and I know I was fortunate with the social worker that we had. Sometimes I think you have to hold your hands up and say to "the powers that be" that you can't do it all (which you can't) and perhaps a carers assessment is a good place to start with this. In our case we came to an agreement that I would fly over every 3rd week for a week and the remaining time social services put in a care agency for Mum. Why not look into having care workers coming in to assist...meals, bathing etc?

It is so very important that your own needs are considered. You already have health difficulties and you won't need me to tell you how the caring role will soon show on your health if you don't get the support you need. Follow the link too that Charles posted.

If I'm perfectly honest it came as a shock really to me when Dad passed away how much he actually had been doing for Mum for so long. Of course your Mum will be grieving too and this may actually show itself in many different ways and I found that, I suppose quite naturally, everyone that came to the house always focused on Mums grief because she was ill and I just wanted to cry out that he was my Dad too.

Plenty of "virtual" support on the forum so have a look around and step in as and where you want!

Bell x
Hi Lorraine,
Welcome to the forum Image
Hi Lorraine, and welcome form me too. Sorry you are going through such a tough time. have you thought of changing doctors? If that practical at all.
Phoebe x
Hi, welcome x